location:nite home dark quiet
environment:calm
What is your understanding of a "just society"? And where do you see the greatest social inequalities in our world
“Sometimes I am overcome, thinking about it”…. Van Morison
To understand and explore the concept of a “just society” many agreements must be met personally, and universally respected, the first of which, a balance of conscious responsibility for our interactions. By creating a delicate web of connectedness, a simple appreciation of unity is possible, leading beings to engage in actions of responsible unity. Here I see “just” implying wholeness, where by, justice and respect is shared with all life and “society” is the bonds, relations and negotiations involved in truth.
“ One unmoving that is swifter than mind, that the gods reach not, for it passes ever in front, that standing passes beyond others as they run”
To start I will swallow it whole, all encompassing, as if it were a compound word, “Justsociety” and understand it to mean an ideal place to live, a community where health and peace are predominant choices of the individual. Specific regions of respected land and water; where people sustain relations with energy and communicate with each other, for the benefit of the collective concerns. That fertile space nurtures the seeds to amazing human achievement and growth, dare I use the word, intelligence. To build the root system with an awareness of historical observation and recorded list of lessons learned, a trunk full of consensus, growing skyward with universal magnetic conductivity. Intention and metaphysical technologies integrate to make a working community. We all unconsciously understand a uniform togetherness, a watery receptive dream space, despite the dominance in the brain functions of a dualistic tick echo, the power of ego, Self or I.
“While you see that those close to you are drowning in the ocean of cyclic existence, and are as if fallen into a whirlwind of fire, There is nothing more awful than to work for your own liberation, neglecting those whom you don not recognize to the process of death and rebirth.
Rebirths happen constantly; people are named in honor or others (in fact a sister of mine is named Njoki, which translates to the meaning -replacement.) I believe myself to have had more than one rebirth in this lifetime. When people use the phrase “ to turn over a new leaf” they are themselves admitting the death of the old leaf and a rebirth of consciousness anew. Peeling back each layer of awareness from the metaphorical onion. Every individuals’ vast channels for different dimensions and demeanors, meet in a specific time and space with peers, adjoining is what makes up a conscious society. People whom in adding value to their appreciation of all that is, including pain and suffering for all side of the victim experience. Eventually in the souls’ evolution we no longer need to use that experience to learn the lesson of wholeness. We can connect to enough energy to maintain an altruistic attitude. This change of mind starts by slowly shifting focus from soothing pain to recalling the experience of health. Using the body’s power, within each cell, we can sense the power traps and release their power over us. One can embody peace powered liberation movements and humane treatment to all forms of matter. People who value their sorrow and joy equally as part of the holistic experience.
“At present you find it unbearable that your friends suffer, but you are pleased that your enemies suffer, and you are indifferent to the suffering of a neutral person. “
Society is not simply a random grouping of beings, but ones with the intent to collaborate unselfishly together. In order to be a part of society you must believe you are. It is organic and thus has consciousness. The commons of shared resources, established an organized power structure, to which everyone administers and receives. Like cogs set together in a working watch every wheel has a unique and important duty. To pool there individual resources, to create a commune of communication, only as strong as it’s weakest link.
“The basic conflict between good and evil spoken of by religion is about the transition from chaos to intelligent order…(which will)…. provide a level playing field for all should be able to achieve their personal best without restricting their fellow human being’s opportunities. The rule of law should replace the rule of the jungle. ”
This is a very fine line to walk. I understand there to be various hieratical levels within the concept of law, natural, civil, criminal, etc. Part of the objective in creating a justice system is in being able to relate to each other in a neutral way. Whereby recognizing each others opposite with a right to exist and any other commonalities. In order create a mark of understanding we also create a void of misunderstanding. Positive or negative reaction aside a trading sides or blurred definitions happen the close to the middle you are at. To experience a taste for inclusion we must first distinguish the sensation of isolation. To build something of a collective framework, you must start off with a need for one, but nothing at a base.
”When you were hungry and thirsty, she gave you food and drink, when you were cold, clothes; when you had nothing, she gave you everything of value. “
I spoke with a kind woman, at her kitchen table, dog under feet, about many things. Late at night we exchanged ideas over meals. She had jungle around the house with a pride and joy pair of potted bejaminas. Her stories of a stormy night set a sail and the boats heroine, her broken foot, and her hurting sons. We explored the pain of loss, the fear of freedom and the fun or mastering a challenge with an earnest fervor. The idea of an unfair or accidental encounter is really learning experience in disguise. A mother’s reserve for perseverance paired with the amazing ability of anyone to do what they feel they need to do, Oddly surprised by her kind words, what I had already known to be true through intuited wisdom, appreciating it’s sound vibration to hear that truth again. I asked what feelings she got from the words “Just Society” since her specific perspective as a seasoned professional in human rights law afforded her a unique expert opinion.
Just= blind Injustice= people
A blindfolded goddess calmly measures the fates of the day with her scales. Unbiased, respectful, calm. On one side, life’s light, balances out the dark of death; an image of yin plus yang, equate to a combined “all that is-ness”. The response invoked a lowest common denominator scenario of choice, duality and contrast. To first focus on the self; a blind individual that’s challenging circumstances provide a basis of understanding and fair measurement from which a model of just (and thus inverse set of unjust) choices can be derived from. Inversely, a fortress of freedom and rights captured temporarily on paper creates a precedent timeline, where status can be shared by judicial means. The legal system is built on a construct of all people having choice, between decisions of just or unjust consequences to themselves and others. However much truth weights, in the rule of law, is measured in units of social and mental perspective. When expression is censored by others, rather than policed by our peers, and ourselves, we begin to loose the ability to choose and rather default to the necessity of survival. This is experienced through poverty and oppression where the individual selves respect and dignity is taken, thus adding pain and suffering to the collective experience. A great lost, is the ability to believe one can choose to be free. Pain and fear attract each other, for which the only solution can be a reversal into one own well of compassion and peace of mind.
“ If the internal enemy of hatred is not tamed, when one tries to tame external enemies, they increase. Therefore, it is a practice of the wise to tame themselves By means of the forces of love and compassion”
Can I even imagine an existence without this oppression in any form? Where power cam from inner strength of character and imagination as a replacement for knowledge, brute force or money. The ideas are warming in the cook pot on the hearth of my mind. As place where all beings are welcome to experience the souls essence of the purest self. Our highest intentions can be experienced wholly. Making a choice to be free from hate, abuse, violence, greed, incarceration, addiction, dependence, (self) censorship, moralistic judgment, brainwash, racism, sexism, prejudice, inequality, suffering and egotistical solution-ism.
“We have got to go a long way to find a new balance that allows us to be perfectly poised between life and death, between future and no future, between lifestyle changes and holding on, between chaos and cosmos, between the formless and the formed. In all these tensions, we have to find out balance, so that we are not tapped in one and therefore frightened by the other”
First, requires an ability to identify each emotion within the context of your own life experience. T o realize reactions are merely a measure of a perspective that can be shifted. For when we all, as children went from crawling to walking we did not forget how to get around on all fours. The ignorance exists still at the root of the intelligence, they balances each other exact and precise like a shadow. It is the reaction (over which we have varying degrees of control) to the catalyst that triggers the big bangs of the future, the subsequently the stories in the history books. To the victors go the spoils, which becomes burdened with bulging pockets.
“Without hope of reward. Provide help to others”
“Compassion is a mind having the single savor of mercy for all sentient being. From Compassion all aims are achieved”
Intelligence is learned, the school is the source of information. Knowledge is expanded upon, practiced and rehearsed, taught by another with the wisdom of years. The accumulated years result in an understanding of earthly natural patterns. Becoming accustomed to a child or animal like, predictable, a behavior the matured old crone appreciates. Wisdom without ego is a likely reaction of experience and forecasting a predetermined next step is predictable. When presented with the spectrum of memory the personal story seams linear. As years pass a matrix of options and potentials can become clear by participating in reflections and projections. With Time deconstructs fear into manageable, logical chunks, allowing absorption and release. A tolerance for calm reflection on past pain, “fight or flight” situations of difficultly are essential to gaining wisdom from our animal natures.
“It’s an earth wisdom that comes from having lived long enough, having suffered enough, having gotten through enough lives to have a perspective on it.”
By shining light into these dark corners and closets of our psyche we can take ownership of the fear. With the observation of the fear, a patient person may contribute that energy towards a direction of practicing peacefulness. This replacement process takes total commitment and faith. From the place of pain, a truth of safety can grow, kindness and compassion with an inclusive consciousness (spanning the vast dimensions of action and reaction through space and time.) The tree of knowledge contains in its boughs examples of good and evil incarnate, but it is the individual who weighs the value of each fact. If any one avenue of thought leans towards the extremes, straining the balance is broken. Temperance is needed to maintain equilibrium. Focus on the fine grey line of overlap between black and white regions.
“My definition of evil is that it’s the necessary concomitant result of consciousness passing from instinct to full awareness, and that in the process you’re going to get experimentation from whatever level of ignorance the human being happens to be at the time. The experimentation will produce the side effect of evil, from which the human being will the be forced to learn and transcend”
To understand a common ground we must define our collection of people; what sort situations do these populations encounter, where do they live? A basic ecological equation is based on a physical need of the group’s members divided by the local availability of resources required. How much resources are used in procuring the societies demand for resources? By integrating the needs of the entire group and insuring that the largest independent predator balances population and power with the lowest on the food chain, or common denominator. A common ground of healthy and liberty for all allows any to exercise a meaningful role in the play of life. In using this ecological metaphor for our political, economic and social encounters, an encouraging framework is unearthed where people choose to stop hurting themselves and each other by instead providing basic needs, rights and opportunities to all who want them, regardless of circumstance.
“The altruistic intention, is to seek supreme enlightenment for the sake of others”
The personal responsibility involved in this agreement that extends to all aspects of life, physical, mental and spiritual. In recognizing that first, this physical self who is my body and ideas within its consciousness can recognize the shared spiritual nature of other being comparable to self. Secondly, more than two of these selves share mentally the idea of cohesion. Society is intentionally built (with sometimes supple or flawed materials), by a group of selves, each individual organism with its own strengths and weakness who contribute those to the collective.
“You can’t talk about just physical survival without the spiritual aspects, and you can’t talk about the spiritual aspects without talking care of the body. People need to understand that this is the age of purification for ourselves, for the Earth and that we have to be active in the process, not passive. “
Further we can put into practice some of our more nurturing intelligence for the total health and benefit of all. By treating ourselves with love we can begin to have interdependent relationships with each other that are to longer based in filling an inner void, free from struggles for power. When many direct their energy together to make a larger stronger organism much change can take place (sometimes called a nation or company.) Many of these relationships are based on role-plays and ideas. Family dynamics of nurture and support become projection of ego, assumptions. The expectations that two beings burden upon each other, for there shared spiritual progress.
“Women blame men, men blame women, one nation blames another, the shadow is projected onto somebody else, and until we can take responsibility for our own power structures and out own envy and jealousy, hatred and greed, the situation is not going to change”
In order to derail this train of thought from the risk of sounding sexist or communistic or cyclical I will realign with the majority by venturing down the avenue of economics. When intelligence is a result of age, it can be tied to the finite limits of natural laws, however power as examined through the lens of wealth, it takes on a variant abstraction that retains the sky is the limit. The process is shifting gears from a sexual or natural position, where bias can be emotional attached, to a more cut and dry model of measurement, where a mental logic retain the prejudice. Money, you either have it or you don’t. The in the comparison of health and wealth we may find a gray area extend itself here between rich and poor
"I am in a dilemma. I want to obey Canadian law but Algonquin law instructs me that I must preserve Creation. I must follow Algonquin law."
We can start a campaign to abandon that term, "making money", since money cannot be made, only traded, value converted from natural resource to disposable liquid cash or accepted legal tender. A dollar that one person has is the same dollar that someone else doesn't have; thus the concept of trading value to another individual in a finite environment. To understand this matter in a relative manner please allow the following language equation. “For me to be +10 someone else has to be –10.” But in fact both individuals, experience a positive and negative defined net worth, within the exchange of giving and taking, moving towards an understanding economic of justice.
In this understanding, the presence of tradable monies (as a unit of constant variants) is evident to be a measurement of an individual worth within a social hierarchy. Economies are an abstract arena where our interconnectedness can be intellectually extrapolated as supply and demand. The Emperor is the godhead, owner of knowledge and means of production, by which agreements are negotiated to benefit. Taxation is a concept to which independent trades are reduced by a small percentage to support the common ground of the culture. However the very perception of wealth on a basis that it can be present or absent (made or lost) is limited and instead may be observed as a medium of exchange, a movement which is potential to kinetic, traded labour and skills in kind flows towards goods and services.
“There are some people who seemingly have psychotic breakdowns, when in effect they are spiritual breakthroughs.”
I feel the current definition of justice in our legal system, run by the abstract unit of wealth is out of balance and does not follow natural laws. The double standard exists in doing your part in society as a negative element or refusing to pay the ticket price for the horrors. In seeking definitions from an accessible place of comparison, to the notes of my own extrapolating on topic. In an effort to use a common source the following definitions are from the website dictionary.com.
just –adjective
We hope to be just in our understanding of such difficult situations.
guided by truth, reason, justice, and fairness:
done or made according to principle; equitable; proper: a just reply.
based on right; rightful; lawful: a just claim.
in keeping with truth or fact; true; correct: a just analysis.
given or awarded rightly; deserved, as a sentence, punishment, or reward: a just penalty.
in accordance with standards or requirements; proper or right: just proportions.
(esp. in Biblical use) righteous.
actual, real, or genuine.
–adverb
within a brief preceding time; but a moment before: The sun just came out.
exactly or precisely: This is just what I mean.
by a narrow margin; barely: The arrow just missed the mark.
only or merely: He was just a clerk until he became ambitious.
actually; really; positively: The weather is just glorious
Origin: 1325–75; ME < L jūstus righteous, equiv. to jūs law, right + -tus adj. suffix
society –noun
an organized group of persons associated together for religious, benevolent, cultural, scientific, political, patriotic, or other purposes.
a body of individuals living as members of a community; community.
the body of human beings generally, associated or viewed as members of a community: the evolution of human society.
a highly structured system of human organization for large-scale community living that normally furnishes protection, continuity, security, and a national identity for its members: American society.
such a system characterized by its dominant economic class or form: middle-class society; industrial society.
those with whom one has companionship.
companionship; company: to enjoy one's society.
the social class that comprises such persons.
the social life of wealthy, prominent, or fashionable persons.
the condition of those living in companionship with others, or in a community, rather than in isolation.
Biology. a closely integrated group of social organisms of the same species exhibiting division of labor.
Ecclesiastical. an ecclesiastical society.
–adjective
of, pertaining to, or characteristic of elegant society: a society photographer.
Origin: 1525–35; < MF societe < L societās, equiv. to soci(us) partner, comrade + -etās, var. of -itās- -ity
To examine the definitions origins is to understand the meaning, its history. A righteous comrade of courage; an expression reminiscent of being on the winning side of a conflict. A just society is an individual’s triumphant allegiance with intellect and altruism. Both words are derived from a biblical or ecclesiastical past, which leads to wisdom accrued by time spent experiencing the natural laws when we can all honestly say,” I am doing everything possible to accomplish the following goal." Playing my part within the framework of a just society. When we will activate, as a population, to experience a peaceful balance of give and take. Acceptance of an inclusive consciousness; that which is aware of the reactions around ones actions. To better integrate the minds ability to predict outcomes of choices so that we can create a culture of responsible unity and protection for those in need of support.
Let’s change our thinking and thus our actions! Do it today!
Monday, February 02, 2009
Sunday, February 01, 2009
out
location: home
environment: epic rematch
the brain versus the butt. a dual to the end of a dream, where i am the winner and we all dance around a fire.
to the deaths
environment: epic rematch
the brain versus the butt. a dual to the end of a dream, where i am the winner and we all dance around a fire.
to the deaths
Thursday, December 04, 2008
my favorite poem
location:home
environment:in awe of my favorite poet
a work by david perez
FUCK WORK
Fuck any job outside of the Major Baseball League that makes you wear your name.
Fuck the push mop. Fuck the punch clock. Fuck headaches. Fuck bruises. Fuck digging in the dirt and smiling when it hurts. The time has come to fuck work.
Fuck work. Fuck the days you’ll never see again and the one’s whose story has already been written.
Fuck work. Fuck funneling all your energy into one single activity that begins when you’re fifteen and ends when you’re fifty. Fuck that fact that retirement age is climbing like a speedometer needle at Daytona- fifty, fifty-five, sixty, sixty-five.
Fuck work like it’s something you don’t want to kiss on the lips. Fuck work then make love to a dance party. Because by day you’re a machine but at night you can be a robot. [here I do the robot]
Fuck work when everything that passes from your hands into someone elses is owned by someone else. When people are suspicious of what you have to offer because its free of charge. And when you can’t accept the generosity of others because there’s a camera in the corner.
Fuck the fact that Capital is today’s word for God and everyone you know goes to purgatory every time the office lights click off.
Now here’s the part where someone says why don’t you “grow up”, “stop crying” and “work is a natural part of life”. Well when did growing up become letting yourself down? And when did crying become an invalid expression of emotion? That’s what people who aren’t slaves to productivity do when they run out of human beings to talk to. They cry. They cry so that what’s left of God just might hear them again. And while survival is necessary, work full time doing something you hate for someone you don’t like is what you do before you learn to dumpster dive. Before you learn that in this town you can get free food any night of the week.
So fuck work. And if fucking is what you do to something when you don’t want to kiss it on the lips then I want long blistering foreplay with four-day weekends. I want to nibble at the lobes and nipples of marginally intelligent conversation.
I salivate at the thought of a conversation that doesn’t begin with some one asking how they may help me. You want to help me? Spend more time listening to poetry than cafe latte specifications. Give your boss a grande half-caf three pump of wup ass glass of take this job and shove it so that you can show me that it’s possible to take this life and do something you love with it.
environment:in awe of my favorite poet
a work by david perez
FUCK WORK
Fuck any job outside of the Major Baseball League that makes you wear your name.
Fuck the push mop. Fuck the punch clock. Fuck headaches. Fuck bruises. Fuck digging in the dirt and smiling when it hurts. The time has come to fuck work.
Fuck work. Fuck the days you’ll never see again and the one’s whose story has already been written.
Fuck work. Fuck funneling all your energy into one single activity that begins when you’re fifteen and ends when you’re fifty. Fuck that fact that retirement age is climbing like a speedometer needle at Daytona- fifty, fifty-five, sixty, sixty-five.
Fuck work like it’s something you don’t want to kiss on the lips. Fuck work then make love to a dance party. Because by day you’re a machine but at night you can be a robot. [here I do the robot]
Fuck work when everything that passes from your hands into someone elses is owned by someone else. When people are suspicious of what you have to offer because its free of charge. And when you can’t accept the generosity of others because there’s a camera in the corner.
Fuck the fact that Capital is today’s word for God and everyone you know goes to purgatory every time the office lights click off.
Now here’s the part where someone says why don’t you “grow up”, “stop crying” and “work is a natural part of life”. Well when did growing up become letting yourself down? And when did crying become an invalid expression of emotion? That’s what people who aren’t slaves to productivity do when they run out of human beings to talk to. They cry. They cry so that what’s left of God just might hear them again. And while survival is necessary, work full time doing something you hate for someone you don’t like is what you do before you learn to dumpster dive. Before you learn that in this town you can get free food any night of the week.
So fuck work. And if fucking is what you do to something when you don’t want to kiss it on the lips then I want long blistering foreplay with four-day weekends. I want to nibble at the lobes and nipples of marginally intelligent conversation.
I salivate at the thought of a conversation that doesn’t begin with some one asking how they may help me. You want to help me? Spend more time listening to poetry than cafe latte specifications. Give your boss a grande half-caf three pump of wup ass glass of take this job and shove it so that you can show me that it’s possible to take this life and do something you love with it.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
kwanza
A STORM ROLLS OUT OF MY EYES LIKE IT IS JANUARY 8TH 2008. DUSK IN LONDON BRINGS A SUPRISING SPRING-TYPE SHOWER MELTING ALL THE WINTER AWAY, GIVING THE GRASS A BURST OF GREEN SHADE. WHEN I WALK TO THE BUS STOP AND BACK I CAN SMELL THE GROWING, THE LEAF MOULD AND I HEAR IT APPROACH, WATCHING THE GUSTS FROM BEHIND MY CURTAIN.
I TRY TO GRASP. AT AN IDENTIFY OF CALIBRE IN MY CULTURE OF COMMERCE. AT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT MEASURED IN NOSTALGIA. AT THE BEGINING OF A SONG SO STRONG IN MY HEART I CANT RECOGNIZE IT IN SOCIAL CONTEXT.
AT THE MINUTE AND 9 SECONDS SHAVED OFFF THE ONLY MASTERCOPY, TO LEAVE ONLY THE MUDANE EXAMINATION OF LEAVES & BEANS.
AT A CLEAR HEAD. I AM STIR CRAZY, I CAN RECOGNIZE IT BY THE NUMBER OF SNACKS I NEED TO MAKE IT THRU THE NIGHT. BY THE CYCLE I REPEAT IN MY ELATIONS IN THE PHYSICAL SPHERE. I MAKE PILES AND LISTS AND WONDER MY MIND TO ASK, WHAT MORE CAN BE THERE TO CREATE. WITH ALL THE GREAT WORKS THAT HAVE BEEN A)CREATED B)CONSUMED & EXPERIENCED C) LAY IN TATTERS AT THE INVENTION AND PERVERSION AHEAD OF ME RE-READING AND PROOFING TO DELETE ALMOST ALL OWNERSHIP. SOLE PROPRIETER OF WORDS
Anger of mistake to walk of shame in the twilight when the haze comes out to play and the shadows are the longest. The added weight of time + distance = resposibilty. Equasions and agreements amash imaginary daydreams.
So strong&dominating sometimes there is space for nothing else, squeezing every inch of energy from all around. I barely hold a sheild, shaking and waving, signing the deed of the moment. a flash of perfectly spent time. then repeat
A fist of notes, i see the sketch on the top, a gesture; of my own feminine form, the backside.
`
Crap bike trinty park, looner mooner. August 28, tuesday
2 days now i have been feeling a dull ache,tight pain under my ribs, beneath my larger breast. On my left side. I acknowledge and appreciate both the strange pain in its entire symptimization but at the same time feel tremendous pulse. A wealth of health. The symetry of fear, this minds great white death is balanced completey with the bliss of body being able to breathe. Aware of that feeling, its whole weight in my heart, inside my skin reaching outwards.
i dare print
Tonight i will sleep & awake with insight intact from my dream world.
`august 29 excerpt of a letter
Clear intention to be honest with myself. In the pressence of deciet, love becomes abuse- a control that stangles the Creative spirit so vital. I am fluid, flexible to the changing winds of emotion and situation. I build things slowly with solitude and scope, allowing years to pass still solidifing my core sacred self. {Everyday i am granted} i will continue on this journey uncertain of the destination only trusting the process of power. i commend every courageous step and patiently pine the pauses. A wish to be&do by my own defined reasons. when time is time take it or leave it
I am infininte and am recieving with all genuine interest any place or thing. i prefer to live day by day allowing new adventures and opportunities to arrive and influence my direction. I value your feeling equal to my freedom; fiercely.
Umoja= unity, family world universe
Kujichagulia= self determination
Ujima=collective work, art
Ujamaa= co-operatif economics.
Aia= purpose
Kuumba= creativity
Imani = faith
Standard life pages
?prosaic- gregarious-emphatic-guilelessness-benediction-impetuosity
"fool themsleves until they forget where honesty ends adn self-deeption begins"
Sketch with # & symbols- words and dates to draw pictures in yer mind. Such a exposed nude vulnerablility offers the chance for the audience to openly exploit the gapping weakness or to delight in the fountain of innocence.
Anger of mistake to walk of shame in the twilight when the haze comes out to play and the shadows are the longest. The added weight of time + distance = resposibilty. Equasions and agreements amash imaginary daydreams.
So strong&dominating sometimes there is space for nothing else, squeezing every inch of energy from all around. I barely hold a sheild, shaking and waving, signing the deed of the moment. a flash of perfectly spent time. then repeat
A fist of notes, i see the sketch on the top, a gesture; of my own feminine form, the backside. a planetary
I'M NOT PERFECTLY OK,
YOU'RE NOT PERFECTLY OK,
(and that's perfectly ok)
`Crap bike trinty park, looner mooner. August 28, tuesday
2 days now i have been feeling a dull ache,tight pain under my ribs, beneath my larger breast. On my left side. I acknowledge and appreciate both the strange pain in its entire symptimization but at the same time feel tremendous pulse. A wealth of health. The symetry of fear, this minds great white death is balanced completey with the bliss of body being able to breathe. Aware of that feeling, its whole weight in my heart, inside my skin reaching outwards.
i dare print
Tonight i will sleep & awake with insight intact from my dream world.
`august 29 excerpt of a letter
Clear intention to be honest with myself. In the pressence of deciet, love becomes abuse- a control that stangles the creative spirit so vital. I am fluid, flexible to the changing winds of emotion and situation. I build things slowly with solitude and scope, allowing years to pass still solidifing my core sacred self. {Everyday i am granted} i will continue on this journey uncertain of the destination only trusting the process of power. i commend every courageous step and patiently pine the pauses. A wish to be&do by my own defined reasons. when time is time take it or leave it
I am infininte and am recieving- with all genuine interest any place or thing. i prefer to live day by day allowing new adventures and opportunities to arrive and influence my direction. I value your feeling equal to my freedom; fiercely.
Standard life pages- a first examination of Kwanza
?prosaic- gregarious-emphatic-guilelessness-benediction-impetuosity
"fool themsleves until they forget where honesty ends adn self-deeption begins"
Sketch with # & symbols- words and dates to draw pictures in yer mind. Such a exposed nude vulnerablility offers the chance for the audience to openly exploit the gapping weakness or to delight in the fountain of innocence.
Kifiria = reve = dream
Attention perverts.
Naked lunch: painted womyn, fetish maid service
Is comming to yr town
No sex
Cash upfront
ID required as collateral
Whatever your pleasure
Virgin / Whore
Scrub the tub or hang a photo
TO DO LIST
Smile education introduction lettre
2005-06-07 tax expense and return
Mending snowboard
Toxix thames paint can
Jimmy dwarf
TM sleep yoga
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'
3:10am jan 8: talked to amanda yesterday helped me to notice i am not alone. My people are feeling these some discontent
friday afternoon Decembre 7th 2007
From my window
The day looks grey
And uninspired
I went back to sleep repeatedly, lazily trying to clarify my dreams.
Saturday morning 5am
Neuromancer & wintermute
For, against, away
Science fiction
utopia novella
Coda. Speedthink slowtobe
International day of action- spent in a nest. Purple box 8:33 with walls like a sea sponge. I woke early eager but somehow decided against propelling myself to the march for my cause. Instead steped up 3 steps back towards the thing i do everyday. Was it out of comfort. Shy aware of my bias& habits. Slowly mapping my ambition> possessive & morality. There is seemingly endless wildspace stretched over a vast godly mind the steps of egotism tarnished golden copper. Lying in bed is spiritual vs. Rally is connected.
I am right where i need to be!
Thinking about love. Happy stars in your eyes. Daydreamming about talking with them about cool stuff.greeting Him curtly. wanting to strip naked and take a bath at the top of the morning {my ears still a bit sloshy and leaky from today} this is my day day to plan to buld a program on the back of these pages that i can hang my ideasexpectations and dreams on, to dance in the sun. To dry of. A plan that illustrates my desire and intention to love myself wholly. That extends an awning over my shy sleepy creative energy. That examines the storage of dusty dreams. Shake out the moths, sot out the whites from the color red adn wash in beet juice. The only rule will be continually mixxing in MORE WILL & FORGIVENESS.
I will error. Persist. Sucess. I will use EFT to identify and atone my tresspasses by which freeing my source from ego; building new definitions for which i manifest my future. I will use TM to clarify &crystallize to organize my definations into volumes . Swurls, the pendudlum of self confidnece spim sing and study and sort & screen. I will use yoga to strengthen my body & mind beoming a link between mediums adn timframes. A fourtnight. budget & itenerary
Admire > respect compassion, critical constructive support challenge strong courageous honest
Dec 14- sex kiss silk candle mirror video hotel
Show tell honest freedom art float jokes laugh loud wind stars etc time going forward. bluntly intend to offend abbussve
I hope the music machine changes places by tomorrow. I like a lighter table and the sound of pure needle
FEAR-False Evidence Appearing Real
3am. Friday dec 14
{Imported tales} stories of unworthiness from toronto
Family illness in keene teary dreams such a strange love across from the crystal princess sarah drama-ess with eczema who loves with honesty which stins sometimes, as good as it is bad as it is. Drunk on endrophines fucking against a ladies room mirror, kinks in my lower back wondering how it cant be good for me, why not be loved? Him asking me to come back at the end of january for his 20th birthday me sharing the love i have to give.
Pennyroyal days jan 8
Not so worried what others are doing, but what i am in fact doing
Goals..
Urwhatueat calendar, 05-07, fortnight goal setting, women translaton by march 8th. Pages Am/PM TM swimwalkbike
Sailboat love treeplant strength. portugual, study, coverlettre
4:04am meditate. Jan 2nd stoped smoking pot2 midnight. I talked to bruce a bit about what i wanted to focus on. Perhaps i will use the fortnightly schedule of 7 days for a specific project. And really push for that long.i Ate 3 grapes, peanuts, chocolate cookies & green tea.
3:46am satum sunday morning New daylight energy effifish lam. I raged against the floor scrubbing wiht a 3 stages scour. My heavy lids and slow heart beat. Why am i thinking about sex all the time? How can i be love when i am {hung up} afraid frozen from honesty hearth. Earlier this morning in dave birds nest i shed tears for a capricorn in blue i always do. Lost in a shallow shame stream i don't wallow that's not true. Lifting my heart head and pen i renew-what to do? Needed worthy review to identify flagstones on my journey. Aquarian lillypads learning leverage i see a good teacher for the first time challange mirror man a precisipse to parade around dare i grow bluntly, full weight of the truth to sit naked with my radical self and rest.
Sunday nite. Monday morning
Woke to a knights game, crowned myself the princess. Kitchener rangers won in overtime i cut the mis-information off my busness cards between 1st & 2nd period.
Jana, out for blues, wanting to tap dave birds door, to share the syncronisity. I am finding sign whereever i am. The maifest turnover is fast but i will present more clearly my exact needs
Jan 4th.s O what to do with this account of kwanzaa, my first spiritual holiday defined in ways i choose, what is to be done, a zine, songs, collecting all the legible insight to becomeepiloge to mylogg- teh sexy bits post onthe wall yea right, ya dig? So what 1.tax 2.facepaint flyers 3.film Log 4. edit watoto 5. Sound score 6.car
Daniel johnston, hi how are you?
LTF-sketch of me, portrait, built on moving pictures and words, david lynch,radiohead "big fish wat the littel ones"TM Roy's journals. Pete's school work aries + leo linda goodmans
Character sketch of tarot cards theives (Doula karma,matatu, kismat balala, uncle freddy)
{contrast-of a year} daytime sunday the open window, snowy roof tops, sarah tree waving around in the wind hope on all sides i feel lucky to be so comfortable,choosing pillows.
Monday bite/tuesday 2am Black Snake moan
Lots of art today.awoke To shovel the driveway, making small talk with the mail man his request to have beer in the box les & monica. Ate chicken & potatoes a la guimer. Mere self portraits with both hands. Looked like menlanimus? Address all the mail to be expedited by kesho the morro
Faith in ourselves & hope for the future. What do i hope for? freedom from authority.oppression. Love i want to invest in sucess in status {i have not been spared a reaction to adverts adn cultural economies} I have faith in my own power.i Will cann work 6 hrs valuable stuff film development, painting, piano,clown, zines,comms, lettres{rest} eat ehalthy fooods. Felt pains in my heart (RHS-back) today while on the 1st of 3 coffees. I ate roast beef at the morisons. I called bruce to say happy new year. He called me back to say he loved me. Which although flattering i questioned his intent. I am not jealous of sex- i mainly crave attention. I can be jealous of jobs & pets but other womyn i understand how things happen with physical chemistry and dislike the idea of owning someones body {or someone owning mine besides me) at least with time spent together, shared atraction mutual fulfilment if possible but more huh?! How much... To become vulnerable,unjudged and honest about my light&dark self.
On the eve of a challlange
Living fully-right Roy
Waiting in the snow storm an hr into the new year -upon arrival. The kips pass nad amir stops. He was on his way home from a birthday party. a sucessful city hitch. Looked cold at the bus stop, to willow crossing with a mug dash daughter 4 years named Cairo she lives in Northwest territories he is divorced. I say thanks, we shake hands. I walk pass the bus stop i waited, drinking earlier
I am very honored, self-respected gleaming; boast full and playfull i am examining a 3rd sided object. So a much life glow. Staring at the meaning of the word_sacrifice to definfe it in this holy time at sun dodn Eid el-Adha will raise my worht for i attempth this incantation to call my moon- enshallah tobleed full. For the five days i been boring sit stillans stretch, cleans my bowels and brain. I take a last wisp adn pull the plug on the drain of thoughts. when the dark is in me i sit, steeped in my starting point, the souls use of the sit bones { for solefullflesh} to transmit energy thru us. Their are small prepartions. The spilled water i knocked while daysleeping drink...{broke}avacados adn pinapple.
How to neither destroy or create by smf.
Mute point- Words not worth the paper they are printed on
Who me- smf
Where- london. Heree.home,now
What.sort$#/words/pictures/yoga/weights/EFT/sounds balance work play swing. Confidence creative pendulum
Why-freedom{forgiveness}pride,greed,lust.sloth,envy
How- sort time count, silent reaching and noon music
Facepaint costume roleplay drama money
Smurf library - film fund
Strenght health food love movement. No womb worries full responsibilty {awareness} firm communicater
After cheating a mere 6 hrs from my sundown start. The rememberance of will broken down once the opportuntiy to smoke with peter's new holiday bong {which later broke} i now correct my intentat days end today dec 19 i staret a fast. I will cleanse my liver by not eating food but only drinking lemon cayanne. There is no peer presence on eating is there? I wonder about my measure of responsibiltyto the moo full or until i decide otherwise perhaps for kwanza i'll pot cleanse, once my taxes are done. I see the cop out over the base.
Living the life i will lead is much a challenge compred to saying planing writting, the life i will lead.do It/
Climb every rainbow until you find your dream( sound of music & sea of life) pinch my mortified childishness.
Now -thursday afternoon, awoke breiffly to mediate in the am. My breathe is horrible must be the spicy lemon. I dont feel let down by myself right now. More like i know the right goals for the right time {or an procedure for a magnificent cop-out} kwanza will be pot free{one week hmmm}Eid was about cleansing the body thru the sacfrice of food. Until tomoorw i was to complete eric's painting 6:33 ate pinapple core and cabbage with lemon tea after 24 hr not eating. Since i broke myself over promisepinapple I gorged bassillica pesto spoonfull pie cookies. I painted but didn't put the strings on it. I looks wierd am is my hpe. I am in bed early before it turns to frienday. Now approaching 11:36
WOMANIFESTO- SELF PROTECTION
7:08PM - MOMENTS LATER
Danae called to invite me to rumrunners but of course i declined, like the TO, Cottage, everything. Hurt On the ice, never again i says. I hear an echo from another time it is my with my mantra, a water otter, pompous queen of the seals, reagae and the sneaky raccoon, masked and generally nimble. Did my life loose meaning at 26? I can't really ask questions why_huh_what projects and where so i go. Who poetry in motion, precision in life " desperate foolish things at 3am"" think with your heads life and animal" cryeyed are tired tea is cold
A pie plate with strings looks guitaire like upon waiting for eric to call was steading looking p- i need to take 3 busses dow hamilton to get there. But which once goes on deveron? teh side mirror route remains a mystery. From my experiement with a moselum holiday i know stonger that i can only focus energy on one thing at a time if fast foos or painting r taxes etc/ one per day hour minute. No more multitasking aa switch occurs and a new goals i set. My mainpriorotoes return to art, {bais} it feels like a rebirth, somehow to build apyramid of my beliefs and ideas. Founded by my own force. The dimension of my architechture with butress and vault, cobwebbed windows and creaky stairs. Fri dec21-5pm
What is like treading water?
Survival skills, dope, aquaintances,wall papering the walls with $$$, nail polish, nervously ignoring,paradymes, lists.
Die at any time and plan anyway, building adn being
Focusing on my blood. Only leaving the house to get drunk or laid. Fantasy land
The perversion of wanting my partner to want something i dont. Staining my thighs. Removed from the ego that wins shame and glory.
IT TOOK LINDA GOODMAN 8 YEARS TO WRITE LOVE SIGNS. IT COST INGA MUSCIO 3 CHILDREN TO WRITE CUNT. SACRIFICE IS ALL EMCOMPASSING. I BITE THAT HAND THAT FEEDS ME BECAUSE IT DEMANDS I EAT MORE. {WHY I CHOOSE TO OBEY??} I SCAVENGE REFUSE TO BE WITH MY POWER ANIMAL. I MISS MY POWER SISTAHS WHO DONT SUSH ME. I ACT OUT {JUST TODAY I WRONGLY STATED I WAS SMARTER THAN SOMEONE I LOVE, SUCH GALL} I PROFESS TO BE TRANSGENDERED BORN WOMYN CHIN HAIR {PROVE} TO BE MAN. SIMPLY SO I HAD A SOCIALLIZE EXCUSE I DEFINED JUNKIE BY SLIPPING AWAY TO MY ROOM TO PUFF OUT THE WINDOW BEFORE WASHING MOM'S GOOD PLATES. OBVIOUSLY ALLOW TO CONSIDER YOU DONT WANT WITHER OF YOUR LOVERS { ONLY TO BE LOVE} LISTENING TO MY STORIES VOICE CHANGE FROM 1ST PERSON TO GET THE DISTANCE AN PRIDE/SHAME FROM MY BEHAVIOUR. I NOTICE MY TENDANCY TO SHY WHEN DINER IS CALLED THE ELABOURATE OPPULANCE AND EXCESS JOKES ME A LITTLE AND I REACH FOR MORE.
Kwanza
Livign up to my sense of spiritself. The pride in humanity and love of nature the delicate tension in the strings, spider webs behin pianos. helped me to project my dreams into expectations for he whole year. spanning 6 mths ahead and today. Every moment
Wed dec 26 1:52-0ne shrimp greeting to pete. I forgot to tell him i became unconscious. One hit. I commend to forgive immediately, take notice and continue to wat suits me. I wiped ny cunt today smear and shit {before the pain} that and felt period starting symbols the walls of my uterus seeping with gravity & mooning towards my toes. Pennyroyal boxing may be out of the question
Dec 30 4:16- purpose hmmmm established that i can be swing. I wobbled on ashley so much that i am ashamed, i choose to let myself be chosen rather than decide. {leadership declines} the lame" i was going to call today" worked is bald magic. I feel like he is mean even though his eyes are so calm and mind. Maybe he just thinks it is funny when i slep on the ice at the bottom of te stairs and cry. { now with added time i do to} his declaring no sex ws disempowering to me to me because i decided that that was all i was offering but clearly some emotion got mixed in. Did i design this elabourate design because i wanted t admit admit that i like sex with men but has huge problems and that being pretty isn't enough or smart. So now what? What is the purpose since pointlessness is my worst enemy.
Dec 30 4:16
Purpose.hmmmm. Established that i can be swung {suprise?} I wobbled on ashley so much that i am afraid, i choose to let myslef be chosen rather than decide {assuming what people want of me, refusing the responsibilty of my desires yuk} the lame" i was ging to call today worked its bald magic on me. I feel like he is mean even though his eyes are so calm and kind. Maybe he just thinks it is funny when i slip on the ice at the bottom of his stairs adn cry. {i do in a sick way}
Dec 26
1:52- one shrimp- greeting to pete. I forgot to tell him i became unconscious. One hit. I commend to ofrgive immediately , take notice and continue to what suits me. I wiped my cunt today, smear and shit that symbolizesthe walss of my uterus, and felt my period starting seeping with gravity ad moonity, towards my toes. Pennyroyal boxing day may be out of the question. I'll plow thru the work in 3 days of isolation adn balance of light & dark flowing togethere. Family adding blending unity.
Ashley phoned, sounding like danae for and instant. She again invited me to the cottage. He i am sure is lovely, why not huh? Why the lonely time instead? Would i rather be here waiting to measure my own popularity. Do i want someone to call. I willed ashley to, after visiting her last nite while i was emotionally mediating. Pride & happienss from mom and her sister. Re-connecting again a reminder of immature behaviour only accepting the gratitude delieverd directly to her thru false words. Why knowing i am on my path do i try to allow other people i love to follow {do i not want to be alone?} they have there own way never give advise of generalize. only specifics about experiences and dreams. Anecodeal. i want to drive a car without external conseqences. Quick adn back
Resist authortiy and the numbness revolution.
The stains on my finger tips resinink the proof in the pudding.
2007= the painting i used to think was a image of sucide is now taking on new meaning. I christen it Processing{perspectivelow}
Unity was daytime sleep close to 7am to sunset= 12hr of fitless dreams. Nite start to harm, egnog cafe and smallville. Ideas of what kwanza will be for me.
Observe & define
My element of collective. Is this writing my creative energy longoign to burst forward. Excitied by awakening with action adn intent. See the way time has hardened me. I hold tightly but try to generate my irrationaabilty into random surrealism as opposed to manogamamous relationship negotiation. Certainly appealing to my male aspects when womyn's work is hard or katty and vise versa. Clint, keegan & pete are talking shoot-em up games and names for guns and in comparrison i choose the catty domestic judgement downstairs. No interest to shoot out and watch the carnage.
Umoja= unity, family world universe
Kujichagulia= self determination
Ujima=collective work, art
Ujamaa= co-operatif economics.
Aia= purpose
Kuumba= creativity
Imani = faith
I TRY TO GRASP. AT AN IDENTIFY OF CALIBRE IN MY CULTURE OF COMMERCE. AT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT MEASURED IN NOSTALGIA. AT THE BEGINING OF A SONG SO STRONG IN MY HEART I CANT RECOGNIZE IT IN SOCIAL CONTEXT.
AT THE MINUTE AND 9 SECONDS SHAVED OFFF THE ONLY MASTERCOPY, TO LEAVE ONLY THE MUDANE EXAMINATION OF LEAVES & BEANS.
AT A CLEAR HEAD. I AM STIR CRAZY, I CAN RECOGNIZE IT BY THE NUMBER OF SNACKS I NEED TO MAKE IT THRU THE NIGHT. BY THE CYCLE I REPEAT IN MY ELATIONS IN THE PHYSICAL SPHERE. I MAKE PILES AND LISTS AND WONDER MY MIND TO ASK, WHAT MORE CAN BE THERE TO CREATE. WITH ALL THE GREAT WORKS THAT HAVE BEEN A)CREATED B)CONSUMED & EXPERIENCED C) LAY IN TATTERS AT THE INVENTION AND PERVERSION AHEAD OF ME RE-READING AND PROOFING TO DELETE ALMOST ALL OWNERSHIP. SOLE PROPRIETER OF WORDS
Anger of mistake to walk of shame in the twilight when the haze comes out to play and the shadows are the longest. The added weight of time + distance = resposibilty. Equasions and agreements amash imaginary daydreams.
So strong&dominating sometimes there is space for nothing else, squeezing every inch of energy from all around. I barely hold a sheild, shaking and waving, signing the deed of the moment. a flash of perfectly spent time. then repeat
A fist of notes, i see the sketch on the top, a gesture; of my own feminine form, the backside.
`
Crap bike trinty park, looner mooner. August 28, tuesday
2 days now i have been feeling a dull ache,tight pain under my ribs, beneath my larger breast. On my left side. I acknowledge and appreciate both the strange pain in its entire symptimization but at the same time feel tremendous pulse. A wealth of health. The symetry of fear, this minds great white death is balanced completey with the bliss of body being able to breathe. Aware of that feeling, its whole weight in my heart, inside my skin reaching outwards.
i dare print
Tonight i will sleep & awake with insight intact from my dream world.
`august 29 excerpt of a letter
Clear intention to be honest with myself. In the pressence of deciet, love becomes abuse- a control that stangles the Creative spirit so vital. I am fluid, flexible to the changing winds of emotion and situation. I build things slowly with solitude and scope, allowing years to pass still solidifing my core sacred self. {Everyday i am granted} i will continue on this journey uncertain of the destination only trusting the process of power. i commend every courageous step and patiently pine the pauses. A wish to be&do by my own defined reasons. when time is time take it or leave it
I am infininte and am recieving with all genuine interest any place or thing. i prefer to live day by day allowing new adventures and opportunities to arrive and influence my direction. I value your feeling equal to my freedom; fiercely.
Umoja= unity, family world universe
Kujichagulia= self determination
Ujima=collective work, art
Ujamaa= co-operatif economics.
Aia= purpose
Kuumba= creativity
Imani = faith
Standard life pages
"fool themsleves until they forget where honesty ends adn self-deeption begins"
Sketch with # & symbols- words and dates to draw pictures in yer mind. Such a exposed nude vulnerablility offers the chance for the audience to openly exploit the gapping weakness or to delight in the fountain of innocence.
Anger of mistake to walk of shame in the twilight when the haze comes out to play and the shadows are the longest. The added weight of time + distance = resposibilty. Equasions and agreements amash imaginary daydreams.
So strong&dominating sometimes there is space for nothing else, squeezing every inch of energy from all around. I barely hold a sheild, shaking and waving, signing the deed of the moment. a flash of perfectly spent time. then repeat
A fist of notes, i see the sketch on the top, a gesture; of my own feminine form, the backside. a planetary
I'M NOT PERFECTLY OK,
YOU'RE NOT PERFECTLY OK,
(and that's perfectly ok)
`Crap bike trinty park, looner mooner. August 28, tuesday
2 days now i have been feeling a dull ache,tight pain under my ribs, beneath my larger breast. On my left side. I acknowledge and appreciate both the strange pain in its entire symptimization but at the same time feel tremendous pulse. A wealth of health. The symetry of fear, this minds great white death is balanced completey with the bliss of body being able to breathe. Aware of that feeling, its whole weight in my heart, inside my skin reaching outwards.
i dare print
Tonight i will sleep & awake with insight intact from my dream world.
`august 29 excerpt of a letter
Clear intention to be honest with myself. In the pressence of deciet, love becomes abuse- a control that stangles the creative spirit so vital. I am fluid, flexible to the changing winds of emotion and situation. I build things slowly with solitude and scope, allowing years to pass still solidifing my core sacred self. {Everyday i am granted} i will continue on this journey uncertain of the destination only trusting the process of power. i commend every courageous step and patiently pine the pauses. A wish to be&do by my own defined reasons. when time is time take it or leave it
I am infininte and am recieving- with all genuine interest any place or thing. i prefer to live day by day allowing new adventures and opportunities to arrive and influence my direction. I value your feeling equal to my freedom; fiercely.
Standard life pages- a first examination of Kwanza
"fool themsleves until they forget where honesty ends adn self-deeption begins"
Sketch with # & symbols- words and dates to draw pictures in yer mind. Such a exposed nude vulnerablility offers the chance for the audience to openly exploit the gapping weakness or to delight in the fountain of innocence.
Kifiria = reve = dream
Attention perverts.
Naked lunch: painted womyn, fetish maid service
Is comming to yr town
No sex
Cash upfront
ID required as collateral
Whatever your pleasure
Virgin / Whore
Scrub the tub or hang a photo
TO DO LIST
Smile education introduction lettre
2005-06-07 tax expense and return
Mending snowboard
Toxix thames paint can
Jimmy dwarf
TM sleep yoga
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'
3:10am jan 8: talked to amanda yesterday helped me to notice i am not alone. My people are feeling these some discontent
friday afternoon Decembre 7th 2007
From my window
The day looks grey
And uninspired
I went back to sleep repeatedly, lazily trying to clarify my dreams.
Saturday morning 5am
Neuromancer & wintermute
For, against, away
Science fiction
utopia novella
Coda. Speedthink slowtobe
International day of action- spent in a nest. Purple box 8:33 with walls like a sea sponge. I woke early eager but somehow decided against propelling myself to the march for my cause. Instead steped up 3 steps back towards the thing i do everyday. Was it out of comfort. Shy aware of my bias& habits. Slowly mapping my ambition> possessive & morality. There is seemingly endless wildspace stretched over a vast godly mind the steps of egotism tarnished golden copper. Lying in bed is spiritual vs. Rally is connected.
I am right where i need to be!
Thinking about love. Happy stars in your eyes. Daydreamming about talking with them about cool stuff.greeting Him curtly. wanting to strip naked and take a bath at the top of the morning {my ears still a bit sloshy and leaky from today} this is my day day to plan to buld a program on the back of these pages that i can hang my ideasexpectations and dreams on, to dance in the sun. To dry of. A plan that illustrates my desire and intention to love myself wholly. That extends an awning over my shy sleepy creative energy. That examines the storage of dusty dreams. Shake out the moths, sot out the whites from the color red adn wash in beet juice. The only rule will be continually mixxing in MORE WILL & FORGIVENESS.
I will error. Persist. Sucess. I will use EFT to identify and atone my tresspasses by which freeing my source from ego; building new definitions for which i manifest my future. I will use TM to clarify &crystallize to organize my definations into volumes . Swurls, the pendudlum of self confidnece spim sing and study and sort & screen. I will use yoga to strengthen my body & mind beoming a link between mediums adn timframes. A fourtnight. budget & itenerary
Admire > respect compassion, critical constructive support challenge strong courageous honest
Dec 14- sex kiss silk candle mirror video hotel
Show tell honest freedom art float jokes laugh loud wind stars etc time going forward. bluntly intend to offend abbussve
I hope the music machine changes places by tomorrow. I like a lighter table and the sound of pure needle
FEAR-False Evidence Appearing Real
3am. Friday dec 14
{Imported tales} stories of unworthiness from toronto
Family illness in keene teary dreams such a strange love across from the crystal princess sarah drama-ess with eczema who loves with honesty which stins sometimes, as good as it is bad as it is. Drunk on endrophines fucking against a ladies room mirror, kinks in my lower back wondering how it cant be good for me, why not be loved? Him asking me to come back at the end of january for his 20th birthday me sharing the love i have to give.
Pennyroyal days jan 8
Not so worried what others are doing, but what i am in fact doing
Goals..
Urwhatueat calendar, 05-07, fortnight goal setting, women translaton by march 8th. Pages Am/PM TM swimwalkbike
Sailboat love treeplant strength. portugual, study, coverlettre
4:04am meditate. Jan 2nd stoped smoking pot2 midnight. I talked to bruce a bit about what i wanted to focus on. Perhaps i will use the fortnightly schedule of 7 days for a specific project. And really push for that long.i Ate 3 grapes, peanuts, chocolate cookies & green tea.
3:46am satum sunday morning New daylight energy effifish lam. I raged against the floor scrubbing wiht a 3 stages scour. My heavy lids and slow heart beat. Why am i thinking about sex all the time? How can i be love when i am {hung up} afraid frozen from honesty hearth. Earlier this morning in dave birds nest i shed tears for a capricorn in blue i always do. Lost in a shallow shame stream i don't wallow that's not true. Lifting my heart head and pen i renew-what to do? Needed worthy review to identify flagstones on my journey. Aquarian lillypads learning leverage i see a good teacher for the first time challange mirror man a precisipse to parade around dare i grow bluntly, full weight of the truth to sit naked with my radical self and rest.
Sunday nite. Monday morning
Woke to a knights game, crowned myself the princess. Kitchener rangers won in overtime i cut the mis-information off my busness cards between 1st & 2nd period.
Jana, out for blues, wanting to tap dave birds door, to share the syncronisity. I am finding sign whereever i am. The maifest turnover is fast but i will present more clearly my exact needs
Jan 4th.s O what to do with this account of kwanzaa, my first spiritual holiday defined in ways i choose, what is to be done, a zine, songs, collecting all the legible insight to becomeepiloge to mylogg- teh sexy bits post onthe wall yea right, ya dig? So what 1.tax 2.facepaint flyers 3.film Log 4. edit watoto 5. Sound score 6.car
Daniel johnston, hi how are you?
LTF-sketch of me, portrait, built on moving pictures and words, david lynch,radiohead "big fish wat the littel ones"TM Roy's journals. Pete's school work aries + leo linda goodmans
Character sketch of tarot cards theives (Doula karma,matatu, kismat balala, uncle freddy)
{contrast-of a year} daytime sunday the open window, snowy roof tops, sarah tree waving around in the wind hope on all sides i feel lucky to be so comfortable,choosing pillows.
Monday bite/tuesday 2am Black Snake moan
Lots of art today.awoke To shovel the driveway, making small talk with the mail man his request to have beer in the box les & monica. Ate chicken & potatoes a la guimer. Mere self portraits with both hands. Looked like menlanimus? Address all the mail to be expedited by kesho the morro
Faith in ourselves & hope for the future. What do i hope for? freedom from authority.oppression. Love i want to invest in sucess in status {i have not been spared a reaction to adverts adn cultural economies} I have faith in my own power.i Will cann work 6 hrs valuable stuff film development, painting, piano,clown, zines,comms, lettres{rest} eat ehalthy fooods. Felt pains in my heart (RHS-back) today while on the 1st of 3 coffees. I ate roast beef at the morisons. I called bruce to say happy new year. He called me back to say he loved me. Which although flattering i questioned his intent. I am not jealous of sex- i mainly crave attention. I can be jealous of jobs & pets but other womyn i understand how things happen with physical chemistry and dislike the idea of owning someones body {or someone owning mine besides me) at least with time spent together, shared atraction mutual fulfilment if possible but more huh?! How much... To become vulnerable,unjudged and honest about my light&dark self.
On the eve of a challlange
Living fully-right Roy
Waiting in the snow storm an hr into the new year -upon arrival. The kips pass nad amir stops. He was on his way home from a birthday party. a sucessful city hitch. Looked cold at the bus stop, to willow crossing with a mug dash daughter 4 years named Cairo she lives in Northwest territories he is divorced. I say thanks, we shake hands. I walk pass the bus stop i waited, drinking earlier
I am very honored, self-respected gleaming; boast full and playfull i am examining a 3rd sided object. So a much life glow. Staring at the meaning of the word_sacrifice to definfe it in this holy time at sun dodn Eid el-Adha will raise my worht for i attempth this incantation to call my moon- enshallah tobleed full. For the five days i been boring sit stillans stretch, cleans my bowels and brain. I take a last wisp adn pull the plug on the drain of thoughts. when the dark is in me i sit, steeped in my starting point, the souls use of the sit bones { for solefullflesh} to transmit energy thru us. Their are small prepartions. The spilled water i knocked while daysleeping drink...{broke}avacados adn pinapple.
How to neither destroy or create by smf.
Mute point- Words not worth the paper they are printed on
Who me- smf
Where- london. Heree.home,now
What.sort$#/words/pictures/yoga/weights/EFT/sounds balance work play swing. Confidence creative pendulum
Why-freedom{forgiveness}pride,greed,lust.sloth,envy
How- sort time count, silent reaching and noon music
Facepaint costume roleplay drama money
Smurf library - film fund
Strenght health food love movement. No womb worries full responsibilty {awareness} firm communicater
After cheating a mere 6 hrs from my sundown start. The rememberance of will broken down once the opportuntiy to smoke with peter's new holiday bong {which later broke} i now correct my intentat days end today dec 19 i staret a fast. I will cleanse my liver by not eating food but only drinking lemon cayanne. There is no peer presence on eating is there? I wonder about my measure of responsibiltyto the moo full or until i decide otherwise perhaps for kwanza i'll pot cleanse, once my taxes are done. I see the cop out over the base.
Living the life i will lead is much a challenge compred to saying planing writting, the life i will lead.do It/
Climb every rainbow until you find your dream( sound of music & sea of life) pinch my mortified childishness.
Now -thursday afternoon, awoke breiffly to mediate in the am. My breathe is horrible must be the spicy lemon. I dont feel let down by myself right now. More like i know the right goals for the right time {or an procedure for a magnificent cop-out} kwanza will be pot free{one week hmmm}Eid was about cleansing the body thru the sacfrice of food. Until tomoorw i was to complete eric's painting 6:33 ate pinapple core and cabbage with lemon tea after 24 hr not eating. Since i broke myself over promisepinapple I gorged bassillica pesto spoonfull pie cookies. I painted but didn't put the strings on it. I looks wierd am is my hpe. I am in bed early before it turns to frienday. Now approaching 11:36
WOMANIFESTO- SELF PROTECTION
7:08PM - MOMENTS LATER
Danae called to invite me to rumrunners but of course i declined, like the TO, Cottage, everything. Hurt On the ice, never again i says. I hear an echo from another time it is my with my mantra, a water otter, pompous queen of the seals, reagae and the sneaky raccoon, masked and generally nimble. Did my life loose meaning at 26? I can't really ask questions why_huh_what projects and where so i go. Who poetry in motion, precision in life " desperate foolish things at 3am"" think with your heads life and animal" cryeyed are tired tea is cold
A pie plate with strings looks guitaire like upon waiting for eric to call was steading looking p- i need to take 3 busses dow hamilton to get there. But which once goes on deveron? teh side mirror route remains a mystery. From my experiement with a moselum holiday i know stonger that i can only focus energy on one thing at a time if fast foos or painting r taxes etc/ one per day hour minute. No more multitasking aa switch occurs and a new goals i set. My mainpriorotoes return to art, {bais} it feels like a rebirth, somehow to build apyramid of my beliefs and ideas. Founded by my own force. The dimension of my architechture with butress and vault, cobwebbed windows and creaky stairs. Fri dec21-5pm
What is like treading water?
Survival skills, dope, aquaintances,wall papering the walls with $$$, nail polish, nervously ignoring,paradymes, lists.
Die at any time and plan anyway, building adn being
Focusing on my blood. Only leaving the house to get drunk or laid. Fantasy land
The perversion of wanting my partner to want something i dont. Staining my thighs. Removed from the ego that wins shame and glory.
IT TOOK LINDA GOODMAN 8 YEARS TO WRITE LOVE SIGNS. IT COST INGA MUSCIO 3 CHILDREN TO WRITE CUNT. SACRIFICE IS ALL EMCOMPASSING. I BITE THAT HAND THAT FEEDS ME BECAUSE IT DEMANDS I EAT MORE. {WHY I CHOOSE TO OBEY??} I SCAVENGE REFUSE TO BE WITH MY POWER ANIMAL. I MISS MY POWER SISTAHS WHO DONT SUSH ME. I ACT OUT {JUST TODAY I WRONGLY STATED I WAS SMARTER THAN SOMEONE I LOVE, SUCH GALL} I PROFESS TO BE TRANSGENDERED BORN WOMYN CHIN HAIR {PROVE} TO BE MAN. SIMPLY SO I HAD A SOCIALLIZE EXCUSE I DEFINED JUNKIE BY SLIPPING AWAY TO MY ROOM TO PUFF OUT THE WINDOW BEFORE WASHING MOM'S GOOD PLATES. OBVIOUSLY ALLOW TO CONSIDER YOU DONT WANT WITHER OF YOUR LOVERS { ONLY TO BE LOVE} LISTENING TO MY STORIES VOICE CHANGE FROM 1ST PERSON TO GET THE DISTANCE AN PRIDE/SHAME FROM MY BEHAVIOUR. I NOTICE MY TENDANCY TO SHY WHEN DINER IS CALLED THE ELABOURATE OPPULANCE AND EXCESS JOKES ME A LITTLE AND I REACH FOR MORE.
Kwanza
Livign up to my sense of spiritself. The pride in humanity and love of nature the delicate tension in the strings, spider webs behin pianos. helped me to project my dreams into expectations for he whole year. spanning 6 mths ahead and today. Every moment
Wed dec 26 1:52-0ne shrimp greeting to pete. I forgot to tell him i became unconscious. One hit. I commend to forgive immediately, take notice and continue to wat suits me. I wiped ny cunt today smear and shit {before the pain} that and felt period starting symbols the walls of my uterus seeping with gravity & mooning towards my toes. Pennyroyal boxing may be out of the question
Dec 30 4:16- purpose hmmmm established that i can be swing. I wobbled on ashley so much that i am ashamed, i choose to let myself be chosen rather than decide. {leadership declines} the lame" i was going to call today" worked is bald magic. I feel like he is mean even though his eyes are so calm and mind. Maybe he just thinks it is funny when i slep on the ice at the bottom of te stairs and cry. { now with added time i do to} his declaring no sex ws disempowering to me to me because i decided that that was all i was offering but clearly some emotion got mixed in. Did i design this elabourate design because i wanted t admit admit that i like sex with men but has huge problems and that being pretty isn't enough or smart. So now what? What is the purpose since pointlessness is my worst enemy.
Dec 30 4:16
Purpose.hmmmm. Established that i can be swung {suprise?} I wobbled on ashley so much that i am afraid, i choose to let myslef be chosen rather than decide {assuming what people want of me, refusing the responsibilty of my desires yuk} the lame" i was ging to call today worked its bald magic on me. I feel like he is mean even though his eyes are so calm and kind. Maybe he just thinks it is funny when i slip on the ice at the bottom of his stairs adn cry. {i do in a sick way}
Dec 26
1:52- one shrimp- greeting to pete. I forgot to tell him i became unconscious. One hit. I commend to ofrgive immediately , take notice and continue to what suits me. I wiped my cunt today, smear and shit that symbolizesthe walss of my uterus, and felt my period starting seeping with gravity ad moonity, towards my toes. Pennyroyal boxing day may be out of the question. I'll plow thru the work in 3 days of isolation adn balance of light & dark flowing togethere. Family adding blending unity.
Ashley phoned, sounding like danae for and instant. She again invited me to the cottage. He i am sure is lovely, why not huh? Why the lonely time instead? Would i rather be here waiting to measure my own popularity. Do i want someone to call. I willed ashley to, after visiting her last nite while i was emotionally mediating. Pride & happienss from mom and her sister. Re-connecting again a reminder of immature behaviour only accepting the gratitude delieverd directly to her thru false words. Why knowing i am on my path do i try to allow other people i love to follow {do i not want to be alone?} they have there own way never give advise of generalize. only specifics about experiences and dreams. Anecodeal. i want to drive a car without external conseqences. Quick adn back
Resist authortiy and the numbness revolution.
The stains on my finger tips resinink the proof in the pudding.
2007= the painting i used to think was a image of sucide is now taking on new meaning. I christen it Processing{perspectivelow}
Unity was daytime sleep close to 7am to sunset= 12hr of fitless dreams. Nite start to harm, egnog cafe and smallville. Ideas of what kwanza will be for me.
Observe & define
My element of collective. Is this writing my creative energy longoign to burst forward. Excitied by awakening with action adn intent. See the way time has hardened me. I hold tightly but try to generate my irrationaabilty into random surrealism as opposed to manogamamous relationship negotiation. Certainly appealing to my male aspects when womyn's work is hard or katty and vise versa. Clint, keegan & pete are talking shoot-em up games and names for guns and in comparrison i choose the catty domestic judgement downstairs. No interest to shoot out and watch the carnage.
Umoja= unity, family world universe
Kujichagulia= self determination
Ujima=collective work, art
Ujamaa= co-operatif economics.
Aia= purpose
Kuumba= creativity
Imani = faith
Thursday, October 16, 2008
हेर highness
location:home
environment:clean fridge
a day to organize, what is needed for my last appointments, early in the morning then back on the road before my validity expires, being aware of the flick tick
behind below my left eye but exerciseing my non reactionsness.
licking up the pages of a canyon love story complete with explosions; with the sounds of cooking shows, chef at home, channel surf over to a day time drama where all voices are accompanied with a idling violin or electronic synth.
i pulled out the tomatoe plants that were choked with frost, planting small garlic bulbs in the place, a fist down in the soft mud, inbetween leeks and rosmary.
I pulled all the green tomatoes, choped and marinated with basil oil, garlic salt.
to be fryed up at a later time
maybe with leeks for a harvest picnic
environment:clean fridge
a day to organize, what is needed for my last appointments, early in the morning then back on the road before my validity expires, being aware of the flick tick
behind below my left eye but exerciseing my non reactionsness.
licking up the pages of a canyon love story complete with explosions; with the sounds of cooking shows, chef at home, channel surf over to a day time drama where all voices are accompanied with a idling violin or electronic synth.
i pulled out the tomatoe plants that were choked with frost, planting small garlic bulbs in the place, a fist down in the soft mud, inbetween leeks and rosmary.
I pulled all the green tomatoes, choped and marinated with basil oil, garlic salt.
to be fryed up at a later time
maybe with leeks for a harvest picnic
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
selfsatisfied
location: san jose
environment:kinkos
I smell roses whenever they present themselves to me. I pick up prickly pears from teh groud, like a found lemon, that leaves sharp hairs in my skin. will i feel this prikle all day long. to simply observe takes my who awareness. for an instant i feel the entire weight of mone day passed. it is heavy.
one bold step towards mortailty, mine, others, everything, including the concept of quenching ones desire, satisfied. the gift of a pair of humming birds chasing each other at dusk as the half moon sky gains more contrast, with every floating moment.
environment:kinkos
I smell roses whenever they present themselves to me. I pick up prickly pears from teh groud, like a found lemon, that leaves sharp hairs in my skin. will i feel this prikle all day long. to simply observe takes my who awareness. for an instant i feel the entire weight of mone day passed. it is heavy.
one bold step towards mortailty, mine, others, everything, including the concept of quenching ones desire, satisfied. the gift of a pair of humming birds chasing each other at dusk as the half moon sky gains more contrast, with every floating moment.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
sanfransico
location:red vic
environment: crying on the keys
so i sit, un awares of my next move, glad i didn't leave the one who reminds me how mature i can be by using my capricorn analaity./
environment: crying on the keys
so i sit, un awares of my next move, glad i didn't leave the one who reminds me how mature i can be by using my capricorn analaity./
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