location:home
environment:in awe of my favorite poet
a work by david perez
FUCK WORK
Fuck any job outside of the Major Baseball League that makes you wear your name.
Fuck the push mop. Fuck the punch clock. Fuck headaches. Fuck bruises. Fuck digging in the dirt and smiling when it hurts. The time has come to fuck work.
Fuck work. Fuck the days you’ll never see again and the one’s whose story has already been written.
Fuck work. Fuck funneling all your energy into one single activity that begins when you’re fifteen and ends when you’re fifty. Fuck that fact that retirement age is climbing like a speedometer needle at Daytona- fifty, fifty-five, sixty, sixty-five.
Fuck work like it’s something you don’t want to kiss on the lips. Fuck work then make love to a dance party. Because by day you’re a machine but at night you can be a robot. [here I do the robot]
Fuck work when everything that passes from your hands into someone elses is owned by someone else. When people are suspicious of what you have to offer because its free of charge. And when you can’t accept the generosity of others because there’s a camera in the corner.
Fuck the fact that Capital is today’s word for God and everyone you know goes to purgatory every time the office lights click off.
Now here’s the part where someone says why don’t you “grow up”, “stop crying” and “work is a natural part of life”. Well when did growing up become letting yourself down? And when did crying become an invalid expression of emotion? That’s what people who aren’t slaves to productivity do when they run out of human beings to talk to. They cry. They cry so that what’s left of God just might hear them again. And while survival is necessary, work full time doing something you hate for someone you don’t like is what you do before you learn to dumpster dive. Before you learn that in this town you can get free food any night of the week.
So fuck work. And if fucking is what you do to something when you don’t want to kiss it on the lips then I want long blistering foreplay with four-day weekends. I want to nibble at the lobes and nipples of marginally intelligent conversation.
I salivate at the thought of a conversation that doesn’t begin with some one asking how they may help me. You want to help me? Spend more time listening to poetry than cafe latte specifications. Give your boss a grande half-caf three pump of wup ass glass of take this job and shove it so that you can show me that it’s possible to take this life and do something you love with it.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
kwanza
A STORM ROLLS OUT OF MY EYES LIKE IT IS JANUARY 8TH 2008. DUSK IN LONDON BRINGS A SUPRISING SPRING-TYPE SHOWER MELTING ALL THE WINTER AWAY, GIVING THE GRASS A BURST OF GREEN SHADE. WHEN I WALK TO THE BUS STOP AND BACK I CAN SMELL THE GROWING, THE LEAF MOULD AND I HEAR IT APPROACH, WATCHING THE GUSTS FROM BEHIND MY CURTAIN.
I TRY TO GRASP. AT AN IDENTIFY OF CALIBRE IN MY CULTURE OF COMMERCE. AT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT MEASURED IN NOSTALGIA. AT THE BEGINING OF A SONG SO STRONG IN MY HEART I CANT RECOGNIZE IT IN SOCIAL CONTEXT.
AT THE MINUTE AND 9 SECONDS SHAVED OFFF THE ONLY MASTERCOPY, TO LEAVE ONLY THE MUDANE EXAMINATION OF LEAVES & BEANS.
AT A CLEAR HEAD. I AM STIR CRAZY, I CAN RECOGNIZE IT BY THE NUMBER OF SNACKS I NEED TO MAKE IT THRU THE NIGHT. BY THE CYCLE I REPEAT IN MY ELATIONS IN THE PHYSICAL SPHERE. I MAKE PILES AND LISTS AND WONDER MY MIND TO ASK, WHAT MORE CAN BE THERE TO CREATE. WITH ALL THE GREAT WORKS THAT HAVE BEEN A)CREATED B)CONSUMED & EXPERIENCED C) LAY IN TATTERS AT THE INVENTION AND PERVERSION AHEAD OF ME RE-READING AND PROOFING TO DELETE ALMOST ALL OWNERSHIP. SOLE PROPRIETER OF WORDS
Anger of mistake to walk of shame in the twilight when the haze comes out to play and the shadows are the longest. The added weight of time + distance = resposibilty. Equasions and agreements amash imaginary daydreams.
So strong&dominating sometimes there is space for nothing else, squeezing every inch of energy from all around. I barely hold a sheild, shaking and waving, signing the deed of the moment. a flash of perfectly spent time. then repeat
A fist of notes, i see the sketch on the top, a gesture; of my own feminine form, the backside.
`
Crap bike trinty park, looner mooner. August 28, tuesday
2 days now i have been feeling a dull ache,tight pain under my ribs, beneath my larger breast. On my left side. I acknowledge and appreciate both the strange pain in its entire symptimization but at the same time feel tremendous pulse. A wealth of health. The symetry of fear, this minds great white death is balanced completey with the bliss of body being able to breathe. Aware of that feeling, its whole weight in my heart, inside my skin reaching outwards.
i dare print
Tonight i will sleep & awake with insight intact from my dream world.
`august 29 excerpt of a letter
Clear intention to be honest with myself. In the pressence of deciet, love becomes abuse- a control that stangles the Creative spirit so vital. I am fluid, flexible to the changing winds of emotion and situation. I build things slowly with solitude and scope, allowing years to pass still solidifing my core sacred self. {Everyday i am granted} i will continue on this journey uncertain of the destination only trusting the process of power. i commend every courageous step and patiently pine the pauses. A wish to be&do by my own defined reasons. when time is time take it or leave it
I am infininte and am recieving with all genuine interest any place or thing. i prefer to live day by day allowing new adventures and opportunities to arrive and influence my direction. I value your feeling equal to my freedom; fiercely.
Umoja= unity, family world universe
Kujichagulia= self determination
Ujima=collective work, art
Ujamaa= co-operatif economics.
Aia= purpose
Kuumba= creativity
Imani = faith
Standard life pages
?prosaic- gregarious-emphatic-guilelessness-benediction-impetuosity
"fool themsleves until they forget where honesty ends adn self-deeption begins"
Sketch with # & symbols- words and dates to draw pictures in yer mind. Such a exposed nude vulnerablility offers the chance for the audience to openly exploit the gapping weakness or to delight in the fountain of innocence.
Anger of mistake to walk of shame in the twilight when the haze comes out to play and the shadows are the longest. The added weight of time + distance = resposibilty. Equasions and agreements amash imaginary daydreams.
So strong&dominating sometimes there is space for nothing else, squeezing every inch of energy from all around. I barely hold a sheild, shaking and waving, signing the deed of the moment. a flash of perfectly spent time. then repeat
A fist of notes, i see the sketch on the top, a gesture; of my own feminine form, the backside. a planetary
I'M NOT PERFECTLY OK,
YOU'RE NOT PERFECTLY OK,
(and that's perfectly ok)
`Crap bike trinty park, looner mooner. August 28, tuesday
2 days now i have been feeling a dull ache,tight pain under my ribs, beneath my larger breast. On my left side. I acknowledge and appreciate both the strange pain in its entire symptimization but at the same time feel tremendous pulse. A wealth of health. The symetry of fear, this minds great white death is balanced completey with the bliss of body being able to breathe. Aware of that feeling, its whole weight in my heart, inside my skin reaching outwards.
i dare print
Tonight i will sleep & awake with insight intact from my dream world.
`august 29 excerpt of a letter
Clear intention to be honest with myself. In the pressence of deciet, love becomes abuse- a control that stangles the creative spirit so vital. I am fluid, flexible to the changing winds of emotion and situation. I build things slowly with solitude and scope, allowing years to pass still solidifing my core sacred self. {Everyday i am granted} i will continue on this journey uncertain of the destination only trusting the process of power. i commend every courageous step and patiently pine the pauses. A wish to be&do by my own defined reasons. when time is time take it or leave it
I am infininte and am recieving- with all genuine interest any place or thing. i prefer to live day by day allowing new adventures and opportunities to arrive and influence my direction. I value your feeling equal to my freedom; fiercely.
Standard life pages- a first examination of Kwanza
?prosaic- gregarious-emphatic-guilelessness-benediction-impetuosity
"fool themsleves until they forget where honesty ends adn self-deeption begins"
Sketch with # & symbols- words and dates to draw pictures in yer mind. Such a exposed nude vulnerablility offers the chance for the audience to openly exploit the gapping weakness or to delight in the fountain of innocence.
Kifiria = reve = dream
Attention perverts.
Naked lunch: painted womyn, fetish maid service
Is comming to yr town
No sex
Cash upfront
ID required as collateral
Whatever your pleasure
Virgin / Whore
Scrub the tub or hang a photo
TO DO LIST
Smile education introduction lettre
2005-06-07 tax expense and return
Mending snowboard
Toxix thames paint can
Jimmy dwarf
TM sleep yoga
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'
3:10am jan 8: talked to amanda yesterday helped me to notice i am not alone. My people are feeling these some discontent
friday afternoon Decembre 7th 2007
From my window
The day looks grey
And uninspired
I went back to sleep repeatedly, lazily trying to clarify my dreams.
Saturday morning 5am
Neuromancer & wintermute
For, against, away
Science fiction
utopia novella
Coda. Speedthink slowtobe
International day of action- spent in a nest. Purple box 8:33 with walls like a sea sponge. I woke early eager but somehow decided against propelling myself to the march for my cause. Instead steped up 3 steps back towards the thing i do everyday. Was it out of comfort. Shy aware of my bias& habits. Slowly mapping my ambition> possessive & morality. There is seemingly endless wildspace stretched over a vast godly mind the steps of egotism tarnished golden copper. Lying in bed is spiritual vs. Rally is connected.
I am right where i need to be!
Thinking about love. Happy stars in your eyes. Daydreamming about talking with them about cool stuff.greeting Him curtly. wanting to strip naked and take a bath at the top of the morning {my ears still a bit sloshy and leaky from today} this is my day day to plan to buld a program on the back of these pages that i can hang my ideasexpectations and dreams on, to dance in the sun. To dry of. A plan that illustrates my desire and intention to love myself wholly. That extends an awning over my shy sleepy creative energy. That examines the storage of dusty dreams. Shake out the moths, sot out the whites from the color red adn wash in beet juice. The only rule will be continually mixxing in MORE WILL & FORGIVENESS.
I will error. Persist. Sucess. I will use EFT to identify and atone my tresspasses by which freeing my source from ego; building new definitions for which i manifest my future. I will use TM to clarify &crystallize to organize my definations into volumes . Swurls, the pendudlum of self confidnece spim sing and study and sort & screen. I will use yoga to strengthen my body & mind beoming a link between mediums adn timframes. A fourtnight. budget & itenerary
Admire > respect compassion, critical constructive support challenge strong courageous honest
Dec 14- sex kiss silk candle mirror video hotel
Show tell honest freedom art float jokes laugh loud wind stars etc time going forward. bluntly intend to offend abbussve
I hope the music machine changes places by tomorrow. I like a lighter table and the sound of pure needle
FEAR-False Evidence Appearing Real
3am. Friday dec 14
{Imported tales} stories of unworthiness from toronto
Family illness in keene teary dreams such a strange love across from the crystal princess sarah drama-ess with eczema who loves with honesty which stins sometimes, as good as it is bad as it is. Drunk on endrophines fucking against a ladies room mirror, kinks in my lower back wondering how it cant be good for me, why not be loved? Him asking me to come back at the end of january for his 20th birthday me sharing the love i have to give.
Pennyroyal days jan 8
Not so worried what others are doing, but what i am in fact doing
Goals..
Urwhatueat calendar, 05-07, fortnight goal setting, women translaton by march 8th. Pages Am/PM TM swimwalkbike
Sailboat love treeplant strength. portugual, study, coverlettre
4:04am meditate. Jan 2nd stoped smoking pot2 midnight. I talked to bruce a bit about what i wanted to focus on. Perhaps i will use the fortnightly schedule of 7 days for a specific project. And really push for that long.i Ate 3 grapes, peanuts, chocolate cookies & green tea.
3:46am satum sunday morning New daylight energy effifish lam. I raged against the floor scrubbing wiht a 3 stages scour. My heavy lids and slow heart beat. Why am i thinking about sex all the time? How can i be love when i am {hung up} afraid frozen from honesty hearth. Earlier this morning in dave birds nest i shed tears for a capricorn in blue i always do. Lost in a shallow shame stream i don't wallow that's not true. Lifting my heart head and pen i renew-what to do? Needed worthy review to identify flagstones on my journey. Aquarian lillypads learning leverage i see a good teacher for the first time challange mirror man a precisipse to parade around dare i grow bluntly, full weight of the truth to sit naked with my radical self and rest.
Sunday nite. Monday morning
Woke to a knights game, crowned myself the princess. Kitchener rangers won in overtime i cut the mis-information off my busness cards between 1st & 2nd period.
Jana, out for blues, wanting to tap dave birds door, to share the syncronisity. I am finding sign whereever i am. The maifest turnover is fast but i will present more clearly my exact needs
Jan 4th.s O what to do with this account of kwanzaa, my first spiritual holiday defined in ways i choose, what is to be done, a zine, songs, collecting all the legible insight to becomeepiloge to mylogg- teh sexy bits post onthe wall yea right, ya dig? So what 1.tax 2.facepaint flyers 3.film Log 4. edit watoto 5. Sound score 6.car
Daniel johnston, hi how are you?
LTF-sketch of me, portrait, built on moving pictures and words, david lynch,radiohead "big fish wat the littel ones"TM Roy's journals. Pete's school work aries + leo linda goodmans
Character sketch of tarot cards theives (Doula karma,matatu, kismat balala, uncle freddy)
{contrast-of a year} daytime sunday the open window, snowy roof tops, sarah tree waving around in the wind hope on all sides i feel lucky to be so comfortable,choosing pillows.
Monday bite/tuesday 2am Black Snake moan
Lots of art today.awoke To shovel the driveway, making small talk with the mail man his request to have beer in the box les & monica. Ate chicken & potatoes a la guimer. Mere self portraits with both hands. Looked like menlanimus? Address all the mail to be expedited by kesho the morro
Faith in ourselves & hope for the future. What do i hope for? freedom from authority.oppression. Love i want to invest in sucess in status {i have not been spared a reaction to adverts adn cultural economies} I have faith in my own power.i Will cann work 6 hrs valuable stuff film development, painting, piano,clown, zines,comms, lettres{rest} eat ehalthy fooods. Felt pains in my heart (RHS-back) today while on the 1st of 3 coffees. I ate roast beef at the morisons. I called bruce to say happy new year. He called me back to say he loved me. Which although flattering i questioned his intent. I am not jealous of sex- i mainly crave attention. I can be jealous of jobs & pets but other womyn i understand how things happen with physical chemistry and dislike the idea of owning someones body {or someone owning mine besides me) at least with time spent together, shared atraction mutual fulfilment if possible but more huh?! How much... To become vulnerable,unjudged and honest about my light&dark self.
On the eve of a challlange
Living fully-right Roy
Waiting in the snow storm an hr into the new year -upon arrival. The kips pass nad amir stops. He was on his way home from a birthday party. a sucessful city hitch. Looked cold at the bus stop, to willow crossing with a mug dash daughter 4 years named Cairo she lives in Northwest territories he is divorced. I say thanks, we shake hands. I walk pass the bus stop i waited, drinking earlier
I am very honored, self-respected gleaming; boast full and playfull i am examining a 3rd sided object. So a much life glow. Staring at the meaning of the word_sacrifice to definfe it in this holy time at sun dodn Eid el-Adha will raise my worht for i attempth this incantation to call my moon- enshallah tobleed full. For the five days i been boring sit stillans stretch, cleans my bowels and brain. I take a last wisp adn pull the plug on the drain of thoughts. when the dark is in me i sit, steeped in my starting point, the souls use of the sit bones { for solefullflesh} to transmit energy thru us. Their are small prepartions. The spilled water i knocked while daysleeping drink...{broke}avacados adn pinapple.
How to neither destroy or create by smf.
Mute point- Words not worth the paper they are printed on
Who me- smf
Where- london. Heree.home,now
What.sort$#/words/pictures/yoga/weights/EFT/sounds balance work play swing. Confidence creative pendulum
Why-freedom{forgiveness}pride,greed,lust.sloth,envy
How- sort time count, silent reaching and noon music
Facepaint costume roleplay drama money
Smurf library - film fund
Strenght health food love movement. No womb worries full responsibilty {awareness} firm communicater
After cheating a mere 6 hrs from my sundown start. The rememberance of will broken down once the opportuntiy to smoke with peter's new holiday bong {which later broke} i now correct my intentat days end today dec 19 i staret a fast. I will cleanse my liver by not eating food but only drinking lemon cayanne. There is no peer presence on eating is there? I wonder about my measure of responsibiltyto the moo full or until i decide otherwise perhaps for kwanza i'll pot cleanse, once my taxes are done. I see the cop out over the base.
Living the life i will lead is much a challenge compred to saying planing writting, the life i will lead.do It/
Climb every rainbow until you find your dream( sound of music & sea of life) pinch my mortified childishness.
Now -thursday afternoon, awoke breiffly to mediate in the am. My breathe is horrible must be the spicy lemon. I dont feel let down by myself right now. More like i know the right goals for the right time {or an procedure for a magnificent cop-out} kwanza will be pot free{one week hmmm}Eid was about cleansing the body thru the sacfrice of food. Until tomoorw i was to complete eric's painting 6:33 ate pinapple core and cabbage with lemon tea after 24 hr not eating. Since i broke myself over promisepinapple I gorged bassillica pesto spoonfull pie cookies. I painted but didn't put the strings on it. I looks wierd am is my hpe. I am in bed early before it turns to frienday. Now approaching 11:36
WOMANIFESTO- SELF PROTECTION
7:08PM - MOMENTS LATER
Danae called to invite me to rumrunners but of course i declined, like the TO, Cottage, everything. Hurt On the ice, never again i says. I hear an echo from another time it is my with my mantra, a water otter, pompous queen of the seals, reagae and the sneaky raccoon, masked and generally nimble. Did my life loose meaning at 26? I can't really ask questions why_huh_what projects and where so i go. Who poetry in motion, precision in life " desperate foolish things at 3am"" think with your heads life and animal" cryeyed are tired tea is cold
A pie plate with strings looks guitaire like upon waiting for eric to call was steading looking p- i need to take 3 busses dow hamilton to get there. But which once goes on deveron? teh side mirror route remains a mystery. From my experiement with a moselum holiday i know stonger that i can only focus energy on one thing at a time if fast foos or painting r taxes etc/ one per day hour minute. No more multitasking aa switch occurs and a new goals i set. My mainpriorotoes return to art, {bais} it feels like a rebirth, somehow to build apyramid of my beliefs and ideas. Founded by my own force. The dimension of my architechture with butress and vault, cobwebbed windows and creaky stairs. Fri dec21-5pm
What is like treading water?
Survival skills, dope, aquaintances,wall papering the walls with $$$, nail polish, nervously ignoring,paradymes, lists.
Die at any time and plan anyway, building adn being
Focusing on my blood. Only leaving the house to get drunk or laid. Fantasy land
The perversion of wanting my partner to want something i dont. Staining my thighs. Removed from the ego that wins shame and glory.
IT TOOK LINDA GOODMAN 8 YEARS TO WRITE LOVE SIGNS. IT COST INGA MUSCIO 3 CHILDREN TO WRITE CUNT. SACRIFICE IS ALL EMCOMPASSING. I BITE THAT HAND THAT FEEDS ME BECAUSE IT DEMANDS I EAT MORE. {WHY I CHOOSE TO OBEY??} I SCAVENGE REFUSE TO BE WITH MY POWER ANIMAL. I MISS MY POWER SISTAHS WHO DONT SUSH ME. I ACT OUT {JUST TODAY I WRONGLY STATED I WAS SMARTER THAN SOMEONE I LOVE, SUCH GALL} I PROFESS TO BE TRANSGENDERED BORN WOMYN CHIN HAIR {PROVE} TO BE MAN. SIMPLY SO I HAD A SOCIALLIZE EXCUSE I DEFINED JUNKIE BY SLIPPING AWAY TO MY ROOM TO PUFF OUT THE WINDOW BEFORE WASHING MOM'S GOOD PLATES. OBVIOUSLY ALLOW TO CONSIDER YOU DONT WANT WITHER OF YOUR LOVERS { ONLY TO BE LOVE} LISTENING TO MY STORIES VOICE CHANGE FROM 1ST PERSON TO GET THE DISTANCE AN PRIDE/SHAME FROM MY BEHAVIOUR. I NOTICE MY TENDANCY TO SHY WHEN DINER IS CALLED THE ELABOURATE OPPULANCE AND EXCESS JOKES ME A LITTLE AND I REACH FOR MORE.
Kwanza
Livign up to my sense of spiritself. The pride in humanity and love of nature the delicate tension in the strings, spider webs behin pianos. helped me to project my dreams into expectations for he whole year. spanning 6 mths ahead and today. Every moment
Wed dec 26 1:52-0ne shrimp greeting to pete. I forgot to tell him i became unconscious. One hit. I commend to forgive immediately, take notice and continue to wat suits me. I wiped ny cunt today smear and shit {before the pain} that and felt period starting symbols the walls of my uterus seeping with gravity & mooning towards my toes. Pennyroyal boxing may be out of the question
Dec 30 4:16- purpose hmmmm established that i can be swing. I wobbled on ashley so much that i am ashamed, i choose to let myself be chosen rather than decide. {leadership declines} the lame" i was going to call today" worked is bald magic. I feel like he is mean even though his eyes are so calm and mind. Maybe he just thinks it is funny when i slep on the ice at the bottom of te stairs and cry. { now with added time i do to} his declaring no sex ws disempowering to me to me because i decided that that was all i was offering but clearly some emotion got mixed in. Did i design this elabourate design because i wanted t admit admit that i like sex with men but has huge problems and that being pretty isn't enough or smart. So now what? What is the purpose since pointlessness is my worst enemy.
Dec 30 4:16
Purpose.hmmmm. Established that i can be swung {suprise?} I wobbled on ashley so much that i am afraid, i choose to let myslef be chosen rather than decide {assuming what people want of me, refusing the responsibilty of my desires yuk} the lame" i was ging to call today worked its bald magic on me. I feel like he is mean even though his eyes are so calm and kind. Maybe he just thinks it is funny when i slip on the ice at the bottom of his stairs adn cry. {i do in a sick way}
Dec 26
1:52- one shrimp- greeting to pete. I forgot to tell him i became unconscious. One hit. I commend to ofrgive immediately , take notice and continue to what suits me. I wiped my cunt today, smear and shit that symbolizesthe walss of my uterus, and felt my period starting seeping with gravity ad moonity, towards my toes. Pennyroyal boxing day may be out of the question. I'll plow thru the work in 3 days of isolation adn balance of light & dark flowing togethere. Family adding blending unity.
Ashley phoned, sounding like danae for and instant. She again invited me to the cottage. He i am sure is lovely, why not huh? Why the lonely time instead? Would i rather be here waiting to measure my own popularity. Do i want someone to call. I willed ashley to, after visiting her last nite while i was emotionally mediating. Pride & happienss from mom and her sister. Re-connecting again a reminder of immature behaviour only accepting the gratitude delieverd directly to her thru false words. Why knowing i am on my path do i try to allow other people i love to follow {do i not want to be alone?} they have there own way never give advise of generalize. only specifics about experiences and dreams. Anecodeal. i want to drive a car without external conseqences. Quick adn back
Resist authortiy and the numbness revolution.
The stains on my finger tips resinink the proof in the pudding.
2007= the painting i used to think was a image of sucide is now taking on new meaning. I christen it Processing{perspectivelow}
Unity was daytime sleep close to 7am to sunset= 12hr of fitless dreams. Nite start to harm, egnog cafe and smallville. Ideas of what kwanza will be for me.
Observe & define
My element of collective. Is this writing my creative energy longoign to burst forward. Excitied by awakening with action adn intent. See the way time has hardened me. I hold tightly but try to generate my irrationaabilty into random surrealism as opposed to manogamamous relationship negotiation. Certainly appealing to my male aspects when womyn's work is hard or katty and vise versa. Clint, keegan & pete are talking shoot-em up games and names for guns and in comparrison i choose the catty domestic judgement downstairs. No interest to shoot out and watch the carnage.
Umoja= unity, family world universe
Kujichagulia= self determination
Ujima=collective work, art
Ujamaa= co-operatif economics.
Aia= purpose
Kuumba= creativity
Imani = faith
I TRY TO GRASP. AT AN IDENTIFY OF CALIBRE IN MY CULTURE OF COMMERCE. AT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT MEASURED IN NOSTALGIA. AT THE BEGINING OF A SONG SO STRONG IN MY HEART I CANT RECOGNIZE IT IN SOCIAL CONTEXT.
AT THE MINUTE AND 9 SECONDS SHAVED OFFF THE ONLY MASTERCOPY, TO LEAVE ONLY THE MUDANE EXAMINATION OF LEAVES & BEANS.
AT A CLEAR HEAD. I AM STIR CRAZY, I CAN RECOGNIZE IT BY THE NUMBER OF SNACKS I NEED TO MAKE IT THRU THE NIGHT. BY THE CYCLE I REPEAT IN MY ELATIONS IN THE PHYSICAL SPHERE. I MAKE PILES AND LISTS AND WONDER MY MIND TO ASK, WHAT MORE CAN BE THERE TO CREATE. WITH ALL THE GREAT WORKS THAT HAVE BEEN A)CREATED B)CONSUMED & EXPERIENCED C) LAY IN TATTERS AT THE INVENTION AND PERVERSION AHEAD OF ME RE-READING AND PROOFING TO DELETE ALMOST ALL OWNERSHIP. SOLE PROPRIETER OF WORDS
Anger of mistake to walk of shame in the twilight when the haze comes out to play and the shadows are the longest. The added weight of time + distance = resposibilty. Equasions and agreements amash imaginary daydreams.
So strong&dominating sometimes there is space for nothing else, squeezing every inch of energy from all around. I barely hold a sheild, shaking and waving, signing the deed of the moment. a flash of perfectly spent time. then repeat
A fist of notes, i see the sketch on the top, a gesture; of my own feminine form, the backside.
`
Crap bike trinty park, looner mooner. August 28, tuesday
2 days now i have been feeling a dull ache,tight pain under my ribs, beneath my larger breast. On my left side. I acknowledge and appreciate both the strange pain in its entire symptimization but at the same time feel tremendous pulse. A wealth of health. The symetry of fear, this minds great white death is balanced completey with the bliss of body being able to breathe. Aware of that feeling, its whole weight in my heart, inside my skin reaching outwards.
i dare print
Tonight i will sleep & awake with insight intact from my dream world.
`august 29 excerpt of a letter
Clear intention to be honest with myself. In the pressence of deciet, love becomes abuse- a control that stangles the Creative spirit so vital. I am fluid, flexible to the changing winds of emotion and situation. I build things slowly with solitude and scope, allowing years to pass still solidifing my core sacred self. {Everyday i am granted} i will continue on this journey uncertain of the destination only trusting the process of power. i commend every courageous step and patiently pine the pauses. A wish to be&do by my own defined reasons. when time is time take it or leave it
I am infininte and am recieving with all genuine interest any place or thing. i prefer to live day by day allowing new adventures and opportunities to arrive and influence my direction. I value your feeling equal to my freedom; fiercely.
Umoja= unity, family world universe
Kujichagulia= self determination
Ujima=collective work, art
Ujamaa= co-operatif economics.
Aia= purpose
Kuumba= creativity
Imani = faith
Standard life pages
"fool themsleves until they forget where honesty ends adn self-deeption begins"
Sketch with # & symbols- words and dates to draw pictures in yer mind. Such a exposed nude vulnerablility offers the chance for the audience to openly exploit the gapping weakness or to delight in the fountain of innocence.
Anger of mistake to walk of shame in the twilight when the haze comes out to play and the shadows are the longest. The added weight of time + distance = resposibilty. Equasions and agreements amash imaginary daydreams.
So strong&dominating sometimes there is space for nothing else, squeezing every inch of energy from all around. I barely hold a sheild, shaking and waving, signing the deed of the moment. a flash of perfectly spent time. then repeat
A fist of notes, i see the sketch on the top, a gesture; of my own feminine form, the backside. a planetary
I'M NOT PERFECTLY OK,
YOU'RE NOT PERFECTLY OK,
(and that's perfectly ok)
`Crap bike trinty park, looner mooner. August 28, tuesday
2 days now i have been feeling a dull ache,tight pain under my ribs, beneath my larger breast. On my left side. I acknowledge and appreciate both the strange pain in its entire symptimization but at the same time feel tremendous pulse. A wealth of health. The symetry of fear, this minds great white death is balanced completey with the bliss of body being able to breathe. Aware of that feeling, its whole weight in my heart, inside my skin reaching outwards.
i dare print
Tonight i will sleep & awake with insight intact from my dream world.
`august 29 excerpt of a letter
Clear intention to be honest with myself. In the pressence of deciet, love becomes abuse- a control that stangles the creative spirit so vital. I am fluid, flexible to the changing winds of emotion and situation. I build things slowly with solitude and scope, allowing years to pass still solidifing my core sacred self. {Everyday i am granted} i will continue on this journey uncertain of the destination only trusting the process of power. i commend every courageous step and patiently pine the pauses. A wish to be&do by my own defined reasons. when time is time take it or leave it
I am infininte and am recieving- with all genuine interest any place or thing. i prefer to live day by day allowing new adventures and opportunities to arrive and influence my direction. I value your feeling equal to my freedom; fiercely.
Standard life pages- a first examination of Kwanza
"fool themsleves until they forget where honesty ends adn self-deeption begins"
Sketch with # & symbols- words and dates to draw pictures in yer mind. Such a exposed nude vulnerablility offers the chance for the audience to openly exploit the gapping weakness or to delight in the fountain of innocence.
Kifiria = reve = dream
Attention perverts.
Naked lunch: painted womyn, fetish maid service
Is comming to yr town
No sex
Cash upfront
ID required as collateral
Whatever your pleasure
Virgin / Whore
Scrub the tub or hang a photo
TO DO LIST
Smile education introduction lettre
2005-06-07 tax expense and return
Mending snowboard
Toxix thames paint can
Jimmy dwarf
TM sleep yoga
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'
3:10am jan 8: talked to amanda yesterday helped me to notice i am not alone. My people are feeling these some discontent
friday afternoon Decembre 7th 2007
From my window
The day looks grey
And uninspired
I went back to sleep repeatedly, lazily trying to clarify my dreams.
Saturday morning 5am
Neuromancer & wintermute
For, against, away
Science fiction
utopia novella
Coda. Speedthink slowtobe
International day of action- spent in a nest. Purple box 8:33 with walls like a sea sponge. I woke early eager but somehow decided against propelling myself to the march for my cause. Instead steped up 3 steps back towards the thing i do everyday. Was it out of comfort. Shy aware of my bias& habits. Slowly mapping my ambition> possessive & morality. There is seemingly endless wildspace stretched over a vast godly mind the steps of egotism tarnished golden copper. Lying in bed is spiritual vs. Rally is connected.
I am right where i need to be!
Thinking about love. Happy stars in your eyes. Daydreamming about talking with them about cool stuff.greeting Him curtly. wanting to strip naked and take a bath at the top of the morning {my ears still a bit sloshy and leaky from today} this is my day day to plan to buld a program on the back of these pages that i can hang my ideasexpectations and dreams on, to dance in the sun. To dry of. A plan that illustrates my desire and intention to love myself wholly. That extends an awning over my shy sleepy creative energy. That examines the storage of dusty dreams. Shake out the moths, sot out the whites from the color red adn wash in beet juice. The only rule will be continually mixxing in MORE WILL & FORGIVENESS.
I will error. Persist. Sucess. I will use EFT to identify and atone my tresspasses by which freeing my source from ego; building new definitions for which i manifest my future. I will use TM to clarify &crystallize to organize my definations into volumes . Swurls, the pendudlum of self confidnece spim sing and study and sort & screen. I will use yoga to strengthen my body & mind beoming a link between mediums adn timframes. A fourtnight. budget & itenerary
Admire > respect compassion, critical constructive support challenge strong courageous honest
Dec 14- sex kiss silk candle mirror video hotel
Show tell honest freedom art float jokes laugh loud wind stars etc time going forward. bluntly intend to offend abbussve
I hope the music machine changes places by tomorrow. I like a lighter table and the sound of pure needle
FEAR-False Evidence Appearing Real
3am. Friday dec 14
{Imported tales} stories of unworthiness from toronto
Family illness in keene teary dreams such a strange love across from the crystal princess sarah drama-ess with eczema who loves with honesty which stins sometimes, as good as it is bad as it is. Drunk on endrophines fucking against a ladies room mirror, kinks in my lower back wondering how it cant be good for me, why not be loved? Him asking me to come back at the end of january for his 20th birthday me sharing the love i have to give.
Pennyroyal days jan 8
Not so worried what others are doing, but what i am in fact doing
Goals..
Urwhatueat calendar, 05-07, fortnight goal setting, women translaton by march 8th. Pages Am/PM TM swimwalkbike
Sailboat love treeplant strength. portugual, study, coverlettre
4:04am meditate. Jan 2nd stoped smoking pot2 midnight. I talked to bruce a bit about what i wanted to focus on. Perhaps i will use the fortnightly schedule of 7 days for a specific project. And really push for that long.i Ate 3 grapes, peanuts, chocolate cookies & green tea.
3:46am satum sunday morning New daylight energy effifish lam. I raged against the floor scrubbing wiht a 3 stages scour. My heavy lids and slow heart beat. Why am i thinking about sex all the time? How can i be love when i am {hung up} afraid frozen from honesty hearth. Earlier this morning in dave birds nest i shed tears for a capricorn in blue i always do. Lost in a shallow shame stream i don't wallow that's not true. Lifting my heart head and pen i renew-what to do? Needed worthy review to identify flagstones on my journey. Aquarian lillypads learning leverage i see a good teacher for the first time challange mirror man a precisipse to parade around dare i grow bluntly, full weight of the truth to sit naked with my radical self and rest.
Sunday nite. Monday morning
Woke to a knights game, crowned myself the princess. Kitchener rangers won in overtime i cut the mis-information off my busness cards between 1st & 2nd period.
Jana, out for blues, wanting to tap dave birds door, to share the syncronisity. I am finding sign whereever i am. The maifest turnover is fast but i will present more clearly my exact needs
Jan 4th.s O what to do with this account of kwanzaa, my first spiritual holiday defined in ways i choose, what is to be done, a zine, songs, collecting all the legible insight to becomeepiloge to mylogg- teh sexy bits post onthe wall yea right, ya dig? So what 1.tax 2.facepaint flyers 3.film Log 4. edit watoto 5. Sound score 6.car
Daniel johnston, hi how are you?
LTF-sketch of me, portrait, built on moving pictures and words, david lynch,radiohead "big fish wat the littel ones"TM Roy's journals. Pete's school work aries + leo linda goodmans
Character sketch of tarot cards theives (Doula karma,matatu, kismat balala, uncle freddy)
{contrast-of a year} daytime sunday the open window, snowy roof tops, sarah tree waving around in the wind hope on all sides i feel lucky to be so comfortable,choosing pillows.
Monday bite/tuesday 2am Black Snake moan
Lots of art today.awoke To shovel the driveway, making small talk with the mail man his request to have beer in the box les & monica. Ate chicken & potatoes a la guimer. Mere self portraits with both hands. Looked like menlanimus? Address all the mail to be expedited by kesho the morro
Faith in ourselves & hope for the future. What do i hope for? freedom from authority.oppression. Love i want to invest in sucess in status {i have not been spared a reaction to adverts adn cultural economies} I have faith in my own power.i Will cann work 6 hrs valuable stuff film development, painting, piano,clown, zines,comms, lettres{rest} eat ehalthy fooods. Felt pains in my heart (RHS-back) today while on the 1st of 3 coffees. I ate roast beef at the morisons. I called bruce to say happy new year. He called me back to say he loved me. Which although flattering i questioned his intent. I am not jealous of sex- i mainly crave attention. I can be jealous of jobs & pets but other womyn i understand how things happen with physical chemistry and dislike the idea of owning someones body {or someone owning mine besides me) at least with time spent together, shared atraction mutual fulfilment if possible but more huh?! How much... To become vulnerable,unjudged and honest about my light&dark self.
On the eve of a challlange
Living fully-right Roy
Waiting in the snow storm an hr into the new year -upon arrival. The kips pass nad amir stops. He was on his way home from a birthday party. a sucessful city hitch. Looked cold at the bus stop, to willow crossing with a mug dash daughter 4 years named Cairo she lives in Northwest territories he is divorced. I say thanks, we shake hands. I walk pass the bus stop i waited, drinking earlier
I am very honored, self-respected gleaming; boast full and playfull i am examining a 3rd sided object. So a much life glow. Staring at the meaning of the word_sacrifice to definfe it in this holy time at sun dodn Eid el-Adha will raise my worht for i attempth this incantation to call my moon- enshallah tobleed full. For the five days i been boring sit stillans stretch, cleans my bowels and brain. I take a last wisp adn pull the plug on the drain of thoughts. when the dark is in me i sit, steeped in my starting point, the souls use of the sit bones { for solefullflesh} to transmit energy thru us. Their are small prepartions. The spilled water i knocked while daysleeping drink...{broke}avacados adn pinapple.
How to neither destroy or create by smf.
Mute point- Words not worth the paper they are printed on
Who me- smf
Where- london. Heree.home,now
What.sort$#/words/pictures/yoga/weights/EFT/sounds balance work play swing. Confidence creative pendulum
Why-freedom{forgiveness}pride,greed,lust.sloth,envy
How- sort time count, silent reaching and noon music
Facepaint costume roleplay drama money
Smurf library - film fund
Strenght health food love movement. No womb worries full responsibilty {awareness} firm communicater
After cheating a mere 6 hrs from my sundown start. The rememberance of will broken down once the opportuntiy to smoke with peter's new holiday bong {which later broke} i now correct my intentat days end today dec 19 i staret a fast. I will cleanse my liver by not eating food but only drinking lemon cayanne. There is no peer presence on eating is there? I wonder about my measure of responsibiltyto the moo full or until i decide otherwise perhaps for kwanza i'll pot cleanse, once my taxes are done. I see the cop out over the base.
Living the life i will lead is much a challenge compred to saying planing writting, the life i will lead.do It/
Climb every rainbow until you find your dream( sound of music & sea of life) pinch my mortified childishness.
Now -thursday afternoon, awoke breiffly to mediate in the am. My breathe is horrible must be the spicy lemon. I dont feel let down by myself right now. More like i know the right goals for the right time {or an procedure for a magnificent cop-out} kwanza will be pot free{one week hmmm}Eid was about cleansing the body thru the sacfrice of food. Until tomoorw i was to complete eric's painting 6:33 ate pinapple core and cabbage with lemon tea after 24 hr not eating. Since i broke myself over promisepinapple I gorged bassillica pesto spoonfull pie cookies. I painted but didn't put the strings on it. I looks wierd am is my hpe. I am in bed early before it turns to frienday. Now approaching 11:36
WOMANIFESTO- SELF PROTECTION
7:08PM - MOMENTS LATER
Danae called to invite me to rumrunners but of course i declined, like the TO, Cottage, everything. Hurt On the ice, never again i says. I hear an echo from another time it is my with my mantra, a water otter, pompous queen of the seals, reagae and the sneaky raccoon, masked and generally nimble. Did my life loose meaning at 26? I can't really ask questions why_huh_what projects and where so i go. Who poetry in motion, precision in life " desperate foolish things at 3am"" think with your heads life and animal" cryeyed are tired tea is cold
A pie plate with strings looks guitaire like upon waiting for eric to call was steading looking p- i need to take 3 busses dow hamilton to get there. But which once goes on deveron? teh side mirror route remains a mystery. From my experiement with a moselum holiday i know stonger that i can only focus energy on one thing at a time if fast foos or painting r taxes etc/ one per day hour minute. No more multitasking aa switch occurs and a new goals i set. My mainpriorotoes return to art, {bais} it feels like a rebirth, somehow to build apyramid of my beliefs and ideas. Founded by my own force. The dimension of my architechture with butress and vault, cobwebbed windows and creaky stairs. Fri dec21-5pm
What is like treading water?
Survival skills, dope, aquaintances,wall papering the walls with $$$, nail polish, nervously ignoring,paradymes, lists.
Die at any time and plan anyway, building adn being
Focusing on my blood. Only leaving the house to get drunk or laid. Fantasy land
The perversion of wanting my partner to want something i dont. Staining my thighs. Removed from the ego that wins shame and glory.
IT TOOK LINDA GOODMAN 8 YEARS TO WRITE LOVE SIGNS. IT COST INGA MUSCIO 3 CHILDREN TO WRITE CUNT. SACRIFICE IS ALL EMCOMPASSING. I BITE THAT HAND THAT FEEDS ME BECAUSE IT DEMANDS I EAT MORE. {WHY I CHOOSE TO OBEY??} I SCAVENGE REFUSE TO BE WITH MY POWER ANIMAL. I MISS MY POWER SISTAHS WHO DONT SUSH ME. I ACT OUT {JUST TODAY I WRONGLY STATED I WAS SMARTER THAN SOMEONE I LOVE, SUCH GALL} I PROFESS TO BE TRANSGENDERED BORN WOMYN CHIN HAIR {PROVE} TO BE MAN. SIMPLY SO I HAD A SOCIALLIZE EXCUSE I DEFINED JUNKIE BY SLIPPING AWAY TO MY ROOM TO PUFF OUT THE WINDOW BEFORE WASHING MOM'S GOOD PLATES. OBVIOUSLY ALLOW TO CONSIDER YOU DONT WANT WITHER OF YOUR LOVERS { ONLY TO BE LOVE} LISTENING TO MY STORIES VOICE CHANGE FROM 1ST PERSON TO GET THE DISTANCE AN PRIDE/SHAME FROM MY BEHAVIOUR. I NOTICE MY TENDANCY TO SHY WHEN DINER IS CALLED THE ELABOURATE OPPULANCE AND EXCESS JOKES ME A LITTLE AND I REACH FOR MORE.
Kwanza
Livign up to my sense of spiritself. The pride in humanity and love of nature the delicate tension in the strings, spider webs behin pianos. helped me to project my dreams into expectations for he whole year. spanning 6 mths ahead and today. Every moment
Wed dec 26 1:52-0ne shrimp greeting to pete. I forgot to tell him i became unconscious. One hit. I commend to forgive immediately, take notice and continue to wat suits me. I wiped ny cunt today smear and shit {before the pain} that and felt period starting symbols the walls of my uterus seeping with gravity & mooning towards my toes. Pennyroyal boxing may be out of the question
Dec 30 4:16- purpose hmmmm established that i can be swing. I wobbled on ashley so much that i am ashamed, i choose to let myself be chosen rather than decide. {leadership declines} the lame" i was going to call today" worked is bald magic. I feel like he is mean even though his eyes are so calm and mind. Maybe he just thinks it is funny when i slep on the ice at the bottom of te stairs and cry. { now with added time i do to} his declaring no sex ws disempowering to me to me because i decided that that was all i was offering but clearly some emotion got mixed in. Did i design this elabourate design because i wanted t admit admit that i like sex with men but has huge problems and that being pretty isn't enough or smart. So now what? What is the purpose since pointlessness is my worst enemy.
Dec 30 4:16
Purpose.hmmmm. Established that i can be swung {suprise?} I wobbled on ashley so much that i am afraid, i choose to let myslef be chosen rather than decide {assuming what people want of me, refusing the responsibilty of my desires yuk} the lame" i was ging to call today worked its bald magic on me. I feel like he is mean even though his eyes are so calm and kind. Maybe he just thinks it is funny when i slip on the ice at the bottom of his stairs adn cry. {i do in a sick way}
Dec 26
1:52- one shrimp- greeting to pete. I forgot to tell him i became unconscious. One hit. I commend to ofrgive immediately , take notice and continue to what suits me. I wiped my cunt today, smear and shit that symbolizesthe walss of my uterus, and felt my period starting seeping with gravity ad moonity, towards my toes. Pennyroyal boxing day may be out of the question. I'll plow thru the work in 3 days of isolation adn balance of light & dark flowing togethere. Family adding blending unity.
Ashley phoned, sounding like danae for and instant. She again invited me to the cottage. He i am sure is lovely, why not huh? Why the lonely time instead? Would i rather be here waiting to measure my own popularity. Do i want someone to call. I willed ashley to, after visiting her last nite while i was emotionally mediating. Pride & happienss from mom and her sister. Re-connecting again a reminder of immature behaviour only accepting the gratitude delieverd directly to her thru false words. Why knowing i am on my path do i try to allow other people i love to follow {do i not want to be alone?} they have there own way never give advise of generalize. only specifics about experiences and dreams. Anecodeal. i want to drive a car without external conseqences. Quick adn back
Resist authortiy and the numbness revolution.
The stains on my finger tips resinink the proof in the pudding.
2007= the painting i used to think was a image of sucide is now taking on new meaning. I christen it Processing{perspectivelow}
Unity was daytime sleep close to 7am to sunset= 12hr of fitless dreams. Nite start to harm, egnog cafe and smallville. Ideas of what kwanza will be for me.
Observe & define
My element of collective. Is this writing my creative energy longoign to burst forward. Excitied by awakening with action adn intent. See the way time has hardened me. I hold tightly but try to generate my irrationaabilty into random surrealism as opposed to manogamamous relationship negotiation. Certainly appealing to my male aspects when womyn's work is hard or katty and vise versa. Clint, keegan & pete are talking shoot-em up games and names for guns and in comparrison i choose the catty domestic judgement downstairs. No interest to shoot out and watch the carnage.
Umoja= unity, family world universe
Kujichagulia= self determination
Ujima=collective work, art
Ujamaa= co-operatif economics.
Aia= purpose
Kuumba= creativity
Imani = faith
Thursday, October 16, 2008
हेर highness
location:home
environment:clean fridge
a day to organize, what is needed for my last appointments, early in the morning then back on the road before my validity expires, being aware of the flick tick
behind below my left eye but exerciseing my non reactionsness.
licking up the pages of a canyon love story complete with explosions; with the sounds of cooking shows, chef at home, channel surf over to a day time drama where all voices are accompanied with a idling violin or electronic synth.
i pulled out the tomatoe plants that were choked with frost, planting small garlic bulbs in the place, a fist down in the soft mud, inbetween leeks and rosmary.
I pulled all the green tomatoes, choped and marinated with basil oil, garlic salt.
to be fryed up at a later time
maybe with leeks for a harvest picnic
environment:clean fridge
a day to organize, what is needed for my last appointments, early in the morning then back on the road before my validity expires, being aware of the flick tick
behind below my left eye but exerciseing my non reactionsness.
licking up the pages of a canyon love story complete with explosions; with the sounds of cooking shows, chef at home, channel surf over to a day time drama where all voices are accompanied with a idling violin or electronic synth.
i pulled out the tomatoe plants that were choked with frost, planting small garlic bulbs in the place, a fist down in the soft mud, inbetween leeks and rosmary.
I pulled all the green tomatoes, choped and marinated with basil oil, garlic salt.
to be fryed up at a later time
maybe with leeks for a harvest picnic
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
selfsatisfied
location: san jose
environment:kinkos
I smell roses whenever they present themselves to me. I pick up prickly pears from teh groud, like a found lemon, that leaves sharp hairs in my skin. will i feel this prikle all day long. to simply observe takes my who awareness. for an instant i feel the entire weight of mone day passed. it is heavy.
one bold step towards mortailty, mine, others, everything, including the concept of quenching ones desire, satisfied. the gift of a pair of humming birds chasing each other at dusk as the half moon sky gains more contrast, with every floating moment.
environment:kinkos
I smell roses whenever they present themselves to me. I pick up prickly pears from teh groud, like a found lemon, that leaves sharp hairs in my skin. will i feel this prikle all day long. to simply observe takes my who awareness. for an instant i feel the entire weight of mone day passed. it is heavy.
one bold step towards mortailty, mine, others, everything, including the concept of quenching ones desire, satisfied. the gift of a pair of humming birds chasing each other at dusk as the half moon sky gains more contrast, with every floating moment.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
sanfransico
location:red vic
environment: crying on the keys
so i sit, un awares of my next move, glad i didn't leave the one who reminds me how mature i can be by using my capricorn analaity./
environment: crying on the keys
so i sit, un awares of my next move, glad i didn't leave the one who reminds me how mature i can be by using my capricorn analaity./
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
freepuppies
location:
environment:blackthorn
complete with maps, weighing time in both hands, no hair to hide behind, adding up the hours with looping simplicity.writing and advert in my head, oh how to sell a van covered in sand, i try on a a saleshat for moving estates
1981 dodge ram, converted campervan.best offer!
loves to purrr down the open road, a must see!
complete with fridge, stove, bed, toilet, table and sink.
smfowsy@gmail.com 647-896-6859
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
chezlatulippe
location:carelton place
environment:poolside
July 22, 2008
Dear Michelle Poirier
My name is Sarah Fowler; we spoke on Monday July 21. I am an independent media artist and I am interested in using my skills and experience in arts administration to pursue some exciting retail opportunities in Toronto. As a face painting clown I use Snazeroo brand products and find myself drawn to the costume selection at Malabar.
Firstly, I would like to illustrate my teaching experience because it has many connections to managing. I have taught swimming lessons to children ages 2-16, aqua fitness to elderly adults and been a personal tutor in math and English. Trained as a teacher of English as second language, I believe that flexible common sense is my best tools when dealing with difficult situations. When teaching picture and sound film editing techniques to an open audience I like fluid presentation. My preferred method of training is hands on where tactile involvement can flow to guiding questions and I learn along with workshop participants. My best management experiences come from directing people towards artistic motivations. I believe that all teachers are in fact also pupils; and I admit I am eager to learn all the product lines available at Malabar. My love for drama and theatre is varied and has allowed me a strong foundation in which to fill the position of retail manager.
My assets include customer experience, by engaging in public awareness markets and trends and extensive retail knowledge by selling ideas rather than products, in the form of memberships to NGO’s & charities. As a filmmaker I have developed skills as a professional sales person and am the sheer force behind a finished film. It is my management aptitudes, honed by leadership and training roles in fundraising divisions, that see me shine as a director. To assemble and manage a crew of talent, which can fulfill specific guidelines takes a very organized person. I expect that you will find my skills and experience perfectly suited to the position available.
Whether verbal, written or abstract I love to express ideas, debate and negotiate a compromise acceptable to all parties. My leadership skills spawn from a strong vision of interdependence yet simultaneous integrates instinct, judgement, logic and team building. Although I am extremely flexible, I consider my organizing skills to be the most diverse and useful no matter the situation. My abilities in the community and communication construct are my most confident.
Administratively I have performed in the Canadian House of Commons and in the Independent Filmmakers Co-operative of Ottawa (IFCO); Board of Directors. My responsibly was to monitor the executive director, ensure checks and balances, prepare agendas, serve as chairperson, be a contact for media and act in crisis situation.
If you have any questions, please contact me.
Sincerely,
Sarah M. Fowler
CURRENT GOAL:
To develop my style, knowledge and methodology while exploring creative avenues.
SKILLS:
• Experience in leadership roles, event planning and team building
• Practiced Public Speaker; individually and large groups in English & Kiswahili
• Knowledge of word processing, network and spreadsheet software
• Artist in diverse mediums, partial self employment for many years
• Children clown and face painter, specializing in memorable events
Accomplished fundraiser for charities, artist projects and non-governmental organizations
Trained in CPR and First aid; Bonded by the Canadian government
EDUCATION:
April 2007 Non-Violent Direct Action workshop (NVDA training) Toronto
May 2006 Master Class with Mervin Van Pebbles, Zanzibar, Tanzania
July 2006 PADI Scuba Diver- Open Water certification, Malawi, Africa
Mar 2004 Alliance Francais; French language course. Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Jan 2004 Participated in streamlined NFB Momentum Workshop
2004 Optical Printing, Avid Express DV, Quark, Stop Motion animation
May 2003 International Academy- Natural Health Science; Organic Gardening
Dec 2002 TESOL English language instruction and communication
2002 Independent Filmmakers Co-operative of Ottawa “hands on film” workshop block, Advanced Directing, Documentary, Final Cut Pro & Avid Editing systems.
2001 Carleton University; Political science; Canadian Studies
WORK EXPERIENCE:
August 2007 Delta Valley Landscaping, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
2006-2007 Greenpeace Canada, Toronto door canvass office
2004-2005 Public Outreach, Ottawa and Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Fundraising consultancy for charity and NGO’s including Amnesty International, UNICEF, Mediceine sans Frontieres, Sick Kids Foundation, Oxfam, Greenpeace, David Suzuki foundation and Ontario March of Dimes
July 2004 Production assistant (TV) Bell Making the Cut, Ottawa, Ontario
June 2004 & 2005 Summer Institute of Film and Television; AV technician and driver
2002-2004 Elephant and Castle restaurant, Ottawa, Ontario
March –Aug 2003 One World Film Festival, World Inter-Action Mondiale (WIAM)
Film Selection Coordinator objectives to order film from worldwide distributors, organize volunteer group with screenings and to establish themes for four night festival.
2000-2003 Starbucks Coffee Company, Clarica Centre, Ottawa, Ontario
Feb 2002-2003 Wallack’s Art Shop; window displays and inventory
2001-2002 House of Commons; Member of Parliament Joe Fontana
Feb-April 2001 H & R Block Secretary/ Cash Back Cheque Administrator
May –Aug 2001 Geneva Park Conference Center; Lifeguard/Aquafitness
June 1998–2000 Instructor Lifeguard, YMCA of London, Ontario
ELECTED OFFICES
Sept 2003 –August 2005 Independent Filmmakers Co-operative Ottawa (IFCO)
I was elected director general position on Board of Directors, further acclaimed as President in July 15 2004. Responsibilities included agenda for monthly board meetings, authorizing accounts, hiring and evaluations of executive director and organizing annual general meetings of a 200 plus membership. Sub-committees I was involved with include policy, finance, grant, fundraising and cultural equity.
July 1998 –July 2000 Association of Student Governments (ASG)
During my years of secondary school I was involved with student parliament. I held the elected offices of Secretary, Treasurer and Vice President. Later I became involved with the ASG which served as an umbrella group for student councils across the city. While I was President of the ASG, we held an annual leadership conference for delegates from more than 35 schools. Myself and four officers were responsible for food, lodging, entertainment, t-shirts, Identity cards, manuals and sponsorship.
ENTRPRENURIAL ACTIVITIES:
June 2002-present Klown Kaleidoscope; make-up artist extra-ordinaire
Children Clown and face painter for birthday parties and special events.
Charity events include WIAM’s One World Film Festival, Fair trade day, Bytowne Days, Goat Races, Tulip Festival, CHEO Teddy Bears Picnic, and the Lanark Highlands Art of Being Green Festival.
VOLUNTEER ACTIVITIES:
July 2006 Zanzibar International Film festival of the Dhow countries; ZIFF
• Guest teacher with my Swahili interpreter to host a tactile workshop entitled “history of cinema, a contrast on celluloid” for 30 youth at the Alternative Learning school as part of the children’s panorama.
April 2006- present Roots & Shoots; umbrella of Jane Goodall Institute, Dar es Salaam
• Art & Photo contest-fundraiser, a beach clean up and visiting local primary and secondary schools to inspire student focused community service groups. My involvement was an exhibition in occasion of African Child Day. The best aspect of this contest was that the award winners were democratically elected by their peers; meaning that students were reminded that their opinions had weight and their bold actions were filled with power.
March 31-2006 Habitat for Humanity; Tanzanian Gatsby Trust (TGT) –Photographer of an interview of women in a village on the North end of Zanzibar Island. Eight families posed with old houses and the foundations for new homes, built by international volunteers, for more stable and permanent housing conditions in the community.
Film, Video and Theatre Credits continue on page 3.
Inquire for production artist portfolio, demo reel or letters of recommendation
References: available upon request
FILM CREDITS:
September 2006- presently in post production on Watoto Washamba
March 2005 IFCO Dogme Challenge; 2 min, silent, 16mm
Metamorphosis directed by Sarah Fowler and assisted in Ariel Lightningchild’s Budz
November 2003 Written, directed, shot and edited by Sarah Fowler
The Memory Game; an exercise in directional thinking -5:50 min 16mm & DV
August 2003 1st Camera Assistant, focus puller; Canada
Poorva Para, 16mm directed by Chandro Chandrashaker;
Co-production Canada and India.
June 2003 Assistant editor and consultant
The Stone Butterfly; 16mm directed by Shelia Pokiak
April 2002 -staring and edited by Sarah Fowler; 4 minutes, 16mm
Hidden Home; Collaborative workshop film
FILM SCREENINGS:
Metamorphosis (2005)
March 18 2005- IFCO Dogme Screening, Saw Gallery, Ottawa ON
The Memory Game; an exercise in directional thinking (2003)
July 24th 2004- Centretown Outdoor Movies, Piece park, Ottawa, ON
July 1-15th 2004- London Pride Art Exhibit 2004, 188 John Street, London, ON
June 19-25th 2004- Festival der Nationen, Schulstraβe 6, Kino Ebensee, Austria
May 8th, 2004 Olympia Festival; Capitol Theater 206 E, 5th Ave, Washington, USA
March 20th 2004- Ottawa Student Film Festival; Jock Turcott, University of Ottawa
Feb 7th 2004- Brampton Indy Arts Festival, Heritage Theatre, 86 Main St. N, Brampton
Dec 6th 2003 IFCO’s DigiGala, National Archives of Canada, Ottawa, ON
Hidden Home (2002) -Ottawa, ON
July 1st 2002-“Nothing but the Bestival” Festival, National Archives of Canada,
VIDEO CREDITS:
Videographer
2003-present Erin Clark musician-Come Up album and London Folk Festival concert
June 2004 Fringe Festival; Ottawa at Studio Leonard-Beaulne and Café Nostalgica
Editor
July 2004 Once Upon A time DV directed by Marie Cormier January 2004 Get Ready, 10 min, DV directed by Marie Cormier Editor
Producer/ make-up/ swing
July 2005 Street theatre and awareness about fair trade products
April 2004 Sock N’ Buskin Theatre Production in Studio B
May 2003 Piece of Mind a feature by Dino Koutras
THEATRE:
June 18-27, 2004 Makeup Artist for Yolanda of Yorkville
Play written by Maurice Aubin; Directed by Ryan Clark University Ottawa, Fringe Festival
April 1- 5, 2004 Makeup Artist for Sideshow
Play written by Maurice Aubin; Directed by Mackenzie Howson and Jody Lundrigan
Carleton University, Sock N Buskin
environment:poolside
July 22, 2008
Dear Michelle Poirier
My name is Sarah Fowler; we spoke on Monday July 21. I am an independent media artist and I am interested in using my skills and experience in arts administration to pursue some exciting retail opportunities in Toronto. As a face painting clown I use Snazeroo brand products and find myself drawn to the costume selection at Malabar.
Firstly, I would like to illustrate my teaching experience because it has many connections to managing. I have taught swimming lessons to children ages 2-16, aqua fitness to elderly adults and been a personal tutor in math and English. Trained as a teacher of English as second language, I believe that flexible common sense is my best tools when dealing with difficult situations. When teaching picture and sound film editing techniques to an open audience I like fluid presentation. My preferred method of training is hands on where tactile involvement can flow to guiding questions and I learn along with workshop participants. My best management experiences come from directing people towards artistic motivations. I believe that all teachers are in fact also pupils; and I admit I am eager to learn all the product lines available at Malabar. My love for drama and theatre is varied and has allowed me a strong foundation in which to fill the position of retail manager.
My assets include customer experience, by engaging in public awareness markets and trends and extensive retail knowledge by selling ideas rather than products, in the form of memberships to NGO’s & charities. As a filmmaker I have developed skills as a professional sales person and am the sheer force behind a finished film. It is my management aptitudes, honed by leadership and training roles in fundraising divisions, that see me shine as a director. To assemble and manage a crew of talent, which can fulfill specific guidelines takes a very organized person. I expect that you will find my skills and experience perfectly suited to the position available.
Whether verbal, written or abstract I love to express ideas, debate and negotiate a compromise acceptable to all parties. My leadership skills spawn from a strong vision of interdependence yet simultaneous integrates instinct, judgement, logic and team building. Although I am extremely flexible, I consider my organizing skills to be the most diverse and useful no matter the situation. My abilities in the community and communication construct are my most confident.
Administratively I have performed in the Canadian House of Commons and in the Independent Filmmakers Co-operative of Ottawa (IFCO); Board of Directors. My responsibly was to monitor the executive director, ensure checks and balances, prepare agendas, serve as chairperson, be a contact for media and act in crisis situation.
If you have any questions, please contact me.
Sincerely,
Sarah M. Fowler
CURRENT GOAL:
To develop my style, knowledge and methodology while exploring creative avenues.
SKILLS:
• Experience in leadership roles, event planning and team building
• Practiced Public Speaker; individually and large groups in English & Kiswahili
• Knowledge of word processing, network and spreadsheet software
• Artist in diverse mediums, partial self employment for many years
• Children clown and face painter, specializing in memorable events
Accomplished fundraiser for charities, artist projects and non-governmental organizations
Trained in CPR and First aid; Bonded by the Canadian government
EDUCATION:
April 2007 Non-Violent Direct Action workshop (NVDA training) Toronto
May 2006 Master Class with Mervin Van Pebbles, Zanzibar, Tanzania
July 2006 PADI Scuba Diver- Open Water certification, Malawi, Africa
Mar 2004 Alliance Francais; French language course. Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Jan 2004 Participated in streamlined NFB Momentum Workshop
2004 Optical Printing, Avid Express DV, Quark, Stop Motion animation
May 2003 International Academy- Natural Health Science; Organic Gardening
Dec 2002 TESOL English language instruction and communication
2002 Independent Filmmakers Co-operative of Ottawa “hands on film” workshop block, Advanced Directing, Documentary, Final Cut Pro & Avid Editing systems.
2001 Carleton University; Political science; Canadian Studies
WORK EXPERIENCE:
August 2007 Delta Valley Landscaping, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
2006-2007 Greenpeace Canada, Toronto door canvass office
2004-2005 Public Outreach, Ottawa and Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Fundraising consultancy for charity and NGO’s including Amnesty International, UNICEF, Mediceine sans Frontieres, Sick Kids Foundation, Oxfam, Greenpeace, David Suzuki foundation and Ontario March of Dimes
July 2004 Production assistant (TV) Bell Making the Cut, Ottawa, Ontario
June 2004 & 2005 Summer Institute of Film and Television; AV technician and driver
2002-2004 Elephant and Castle restaurant, Ottawa, Ontario
March –Aug 2003 One World Film Festival, World Inter-Action Mondiale (WIAM)
Film Selection Coordinator objectives to order film from worldwide distributors, organize volunteer group with screenings and to establish themes for four night festival.
2000-2003 Starbucks Coffee Company, Clarica Centre, Ottawa, Ontario
Feb 2002-2003 Wallack’s Art Shop; window displays and inventory
2001-2002 House of Commons; Member of Parliament Joe Fontana
Feb-April 2001 H & R Block Secretary/ Cash Back Cheque Administrator
May –Aug 2001 Geneva Park Conference Center; Lifeguard/Aquafitness
June 1998–2000 Instructor Lifeguard, YMCA of London, Ontario
ELECTED OFFICES
Sept 2003 –August 2005 Independent Filmmakers Co-operative Ottawa (IFCO)
I was elected director general position on Board of Directors, further acclaimed as President in July 15 2004. Responsibilities included agenda for monthly board meetings, authorizing accounts, hiring and evaluations of executive director and organizing annual general meetings of a 200 plus membership. Sub-committees I was involved with include policy, finance, grant, fundraising and cultural equity.
July 1998 –July 2000 Association of Student Governments (ASG)
During my years of secondary school I was involved with student parliament. I held the elected offices of Secretary, Treasurer and Vice President. Later I became involved with the ASG which served as an umbrella group for student councils across the city. While I was President of the ASG, we held an annual leadership conference for delegates from more than 35 schools. Myself and four officers were responsible for food, lodging, entertainment, t-shirts, Identity cards, manuals and sponsorship.
ENTRPRENURIAL ACTIVITIES:
June 2002-present Klown Kaleidoscope; make-up artist extra-ordinaire
Children Clown and face painter for birthday parties and special events.
Charity events include WIAM’s One World Film Festival, Fair trade day, Bytowne Days, Goat Races, Tulip Festival, CHEO Teddy Bears Picnic, and the Lanark Highlands Art of Being Green Festival.
VOLUNTEER ACTIVITIES:
July 2006 Zanzibar International Film festival of the Dhow countries; ZIFF
• Guest teacher with my Swahili interpreter to host a tactile workshop entitled “history of cinema, a contrast on celluloid” for 30 youth at the Alternative Learning school as part of the children’s panorama.
April 2006- present Roots & Shoots; umbrella of Jane Goodall Institute, Dar es Salaam
• Art & Photo contest-fundraiser, a beach clean up and visiting local primary and secondary schools to inspire student focused community service groups. My involvement was an exhibition in occasion of African Child Day. The best aspect of this contest was that the award winners were democratically elected by their peers; meaning that students were reminded that their opinions had weight and their bold actions were filled with power.
March 31-2006 Habitat for Humanity; Tanzanian Gatsby Trust (TGT) –Photographer of an interview of women in a village on the North end of Zanzibar Island. Eight families posed with old houses and the foundations for new homes, built by international volunteers, for more stable and permanent housing conditions in the community.
Film, Video and Theatre Credits continue on page 3.
Inquire for production artist portfolio, demo reel or letters of recommendation
References: available upon request
FILM CREDITS:
September 2006- presently in post production on Watoto Washamba
March 2005 IFCO Dogme Challenge; 2 min, silent, 16mm
Metamorphosis directed by Sarah Fowler and assisted in Ariel Lightningchild’s Budz
November 2003 Written, directed, shot and edited by Sarah Fowler
The Memory Game; an exercise in directional thinking -5:50 min 16mm & DV
August 2003 1st Camera Assistant, focus puller; Canada
Poorva Para, 16mm directed by Chandro Chandrashaker;
Co-production Canada and India.
June 2003 Assistant editor and consultant
The Stone Butterfly; 16mm directed by Shelia Pokiak
April 2002 -staring and edited by Sarah Fowler; 4 minutes, 16mm
Hidden Home; Collaborative workshop film
FILM SCREENINGS:
Metamorphosis (2005)
March 18 2005- IFCO Dogme Screening, Saw Gallery, Ottawa ON
The Memory Game; an exercise in directional thinking (2003)
July 24th 2004- Centretown Outdoor Movies, Piece park, Ottawa, ON
July 1-15th 2004- London Pride Art Exhibit 2004, 188 John Street, London, ON
June 19-25th 2004- Festival der Nationen, Schulstraβe 6, Kino Ebensee, Austria
May 8th, 2004 Olympia Festival; Capitol Theater 206 E, 5th Ave, Washington, USA
March 20th 2004- Ottawa Student Film Festival; Jock Turcott, University of Ottawa
Feb 7th 2004- Brampton Indy Arts Festival, Heritage Theatre, 86 Main St. N, Brampton
Dec 6th 2003 IFCO’s DigiGala, National Archives of Canada, Ottawa, ON
Hidden Home (2002) -Ottawa, ON
July 1st 2002-“Nothing but the Bestival” Festival, National Archives of Canada,
VIDEO CREDITS:
Videographer
2003-present Erin Clark musician-Come Up album and London Folk Festival concert
June 2004 Fringe Festival; Ottawa at Studio Leonard-Beaulne and Café Nostalgica
Editor
July 2004 Once Upon A time DV directed by Marie Cormier January 2004 Get Ready, 10 min, DV directed by Marie Cormier Editor
Producer/ make-up/ swing
July 2005 Street theatre and awareness about fair trade products
April 2004 Sock N’ Buskin Theatre Production in Studio B
May 2003 Piece of Mind a feature by Dino Koutras
THEATRE:
June 18-27, 2004 Makeup Artist for Yolanda of Yorkville
Play written by Maurice Aubin; Directed by Ryan Clark University Ottawa, Fringe Festival
April 1- 5, 2004 Makeup Artist for Sideshow
Play written by Maurice Aubin; Directed by Mackenzie Howson and Jody Lundrigan
Carleton University, Sock N Buskin
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