Friday, July 13, 2007

compoundword cookieconsciousness

" good morngin starshine, the earth says hello
you twinkle above us, we twinkle below"

"have you ever loved enought to destroy your love"

environment: gassey wiht soft sleeping breath/
location: valley view park place developement in cow town
directly across from a weedwacked lawn and a a pin grove of two.
are 4 model houses. on display wiht different siding
1.eclispse, with the snappi-set name and most plastic venners
2.something rather -shire with cobbble likte faux finish
etc etc great marketing thanksfully not rememebered
where i appeased my most shaddowed of self. deciet.vainity and excess. dishonety flips the page as i embrace my shortcomings allowing there space to be.better&now


freewillastrology.com
or here...


Among the Yanyuwa Aboriginal people who live along the coast of Australia's Northern Territory, the word for "fat" is nalu-ngiliny. It doesn't merely refer to the greasy stuff that grows naturally under the skin of animal bodies. It's also a metaphysical term for vitality. Anything that's rich in nalu-ngiliny is healthy. A certain landscape may be considered fat, for instance, which means that it's fertile and sacred. When acacia flowers bloom each year, it's a sign that sea turtles and the marine mammals known as dugongs, favorite foods of the Yanyuwa, are "fat" and ready to be hunted. Your assignment in the coming week is to identify the things in your life that are nalu-ngiliny, and to give them the honor, gratitude, and nurturing they deserve.

one thing that sticks me as odd is my intense ability to critize in a regal and self important manner. just today i uttered the words "i think i know more about karma than you" how selfish indulgent and haugthy of me. because i dont have a gold seal with my name misspelt, perhaps the becasue i have read more books than you pertaining to eastern philiosphy but you have read way more books on the oratation of human behaivor modifications. maybe i could use some, and i embrace my addictionself anaalsyisis and acceptimptrove. appreciate my time spent and lesson gleaned.
the fat i am harvesting today is a carnal and diestructive. the excessive weeds i pulled from the flower bed, that had roots so deep it took all my might, heaving, using my legs towardsbliss the moon to eject. it had grown taller that 4 out of five original immediatemembers. thats how excess rolls i suppose. growing out of control until all is lost and winter renews. it is this angreattachment of the death that propells us to be reborn, lost in the cycle.

as i type, chewing my thumb nail, twisting my hair. look over at my reflection in the mirror and pinch at my arm fat displaying the musculature. looking more athletic and powerful by the moment. merely a matter of timeffort and dreams realized.
inspiration plus persperation = asperation
first i'll take this magic moment to honor & nurture .to eat greasy delite to fill in the gaps. as i pluck at the feathers of my fears i label them lightly, let let them into the wind. still exsisting but not attached. my appreciation extends to the thief, and the victim and the product. and the waste. the model homes with there empty advertnames. to the tar ponds sceen from space and the jobs of the families who make them. to coffee and crap and letting things be different and whole. the diverse cultural observation in the A&W, the rootbeer in a icyed mug, the $15 to pay my karmic debt to capital. to the electronica environmenta, to the wordsongs pryied into my exsistance, filling the most unusual corners; to my lovely friend some of whom i left behind, some of whom i chase, some of who i dont yet know consciously, everything up until this point and everything beyond, to now

the today i'll be vernonique, it is a tribute.
to a comrade that lent me her life in such a joyus way.
back on the road again i miss my british buddy.
a pickle in your ear
sincerelysmf

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

letting myself love on the run

location: finch and vic park
environment: lovely esp & bus bliss with eggs

ophh. the sweet shisper of wordson the subway. untill the guilt and habit forming acctivity set in

it is in my seldomly modest opinon i would like to announce that i believe emotions are signals, flags that send us messages about what are core selves are. certainly not things to be supressed or controled with logic. we all can control our actions with our thoughts but emotions come from a wiser place than are minds, somewhere between our heart and soul, a home for wisdom, a room called instinct. they are oftern without reason or design, lack structural integrity and engineering, but they work non-the-less ( did you know that acording to science a bumblebee can't fly, but i have witness the flowers polinated, and tasted the honey) i am glad you are feeling better because i understand that to be better than bad, but emotional, is a place of learning, more profound than a text book. run or hide ( or banish)from them if you will but i 'll bet that no matter if you travel at the speed of light they can catch you.

are my signals a mere physical response to stimuli? is it a was of telling me to stay still despite my troublesome horoscope? is the fog and deja vu a way to have heaven in the now now? do i feel free and powerful? what is my reason d'etre du jour?

the pythagorus parable in paraphrase by smf
it is rare in life that we are one thing, height weight, orientation, attitude, etc for our entire lives. i am a creature of chance and marvel in my flexible nature. my strenghts our not simply limited to one venure and can be applied in any cercumstance. our way changes as we grow.sometimes we play the role of merchant, buzing ourselves with commerce, choice and culture. other times still we take up the centre stage, and boldly shine in the spotlight as our dynamic artist self. and sometimes we are the audience philosopher, watching the fair play it's self out, appreciating the glory and gruesque grandure and wondering why. can we ever know? can we stay in one phase of ourselves for concistancies sake? can't we just spin the wheel and play the game?

Friday, June 08, 2007

horse foot

location: gazin out as the lights start their shine in the dusk
environment: quiet

Anti-poverty protesters arrested in standoff
MATT HARTLEY
June 4, 2007
Toronto police officers on horseback broke up a tense standoff with anti-poverty demonstrators at an abandoned house downtown last night. Several people were arrested and some said they were injured in the scuffle with police, including a woman who said a horse stepped on her foot, according to a report from CFTO News. Protesters with the Women Against Poverty Collective held an afternoon march and later moved to a house on Howard Street near Bloor and Sherbourne Streets.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

the blessed virgin of the starry waters

the blessed virgin of the starry waters; an anecdote of loving life.
the love story of my young life, of my adolesent dreaming crashing up on the shores of realisic expectations shall be titled blessed virgin of the starry waters in hommage to a great & fictional adventurer. one full of contridictions as humans tend to be, i can glance backwards into the chest of experiences and identify the joy from the pain, usually by a name but more specifically by a time. for me i can determine if love was true based on whither or not i became closer to my core self. did this experience allow me to better understand my actions, ideas and direction? our true natures are oftern masked with layers of ego and learned behavior. the comedy-tradegy love i have been luckily blessed to experience has been an opportunity for me to learn about myself. to see a clear reflection of my souls love thru someones eyes and to observe the shadows that it casts. sometimes we do not like the reflection we see when gazing in the mirror, often we projection that disharmony onto the object of our affection- afliction. as in binary code i can define two modes of love. 1. where A love B more therefore creating a dynamic where B an treat A like crap (A & B representing individuals involved, more than two parties pressent makes for messy fractions) 2. where love is balanced respect can grow. having stated this i can announce i have not had the second love in any of my romantic relationships. often with platonic friends i develop respect, seeing in the mirror the whole unit of good and bad traits. but with sexual intimacy comes a mother load of shame, expectaitons and a mix bag of emotions that we would prefer not to conciously face. the beautiful man i offered my virginity to started off by loving me much more but as time passed and the feelings were shared between the souls the balance tilted until which time i couldn;t tell love for sex from abuse. when left unchecked the ego sharpened the blinding light bounding from my heart into sharp lazers designed to manipulate the future. all the movies and books i had ever been exposed to as a child dealing with love situations, ideas of marriage and the big looming -forever. combined with the hot bed of sensation when young people are introduced to their shadow for life, there sexual self. i didn't stand a chance despite my best intentions and warning waviers. it was over 4 years that i was blessed with the car wreck of whitnessing myself experience unlogical demands and use the power of love in a manner of remodeling. both valid but perhaps not prideful and certainly not ideal. my constant theme song disstatisfaction and longing for a partner to share my creativity with, rather than simply be amusing. quite the reflection to see in your lovers eyes y/n? then still to thrust myself against a kaleidoscope of identies, learning only now consistancy is incongruent with genuine behavior and convience kills our essence. the well of longevity was poisoned by habits we both were un willing to lay down. for me it was certianly my spark plug spontaneuosness, for him perhaps his strategic schdule. over a late nite dinner the bomb dropped, i simply couldn't love in fragments anylonger. at least now i can admire from a far, be happy for needs being met ( by someone more suitable-designed towards the desires) and enjoy playfull memories whenever i want to without making trivial or uncomfortable small talk. Although i will admit to a desire to have a more communicative post-breakup i know that should our friendship blossom it can only happen organically without agendas. since my deflowering i have had a thrist for diverse experience and most recently experienced the recieveing end of dismissal, shocked i broke a wine glass at the stem while placing it on the table.
i adopt a mantra, slowly believeing that over time optimism replaces despair. and the cycle continues with my hope intact.
it is rare in my experience for the love to dry up, to die, but usually it changes, grows into a more profound, biggerfeeling. i over use the word intentionally dragging the taboo in the mud.i ponder why love cant be everywhere? to splinter the complicated matrix of universal love, we have invented words like, family (people we might not like but love anyways) boy/ girl /friends (people we like but want to take for a test drive before we morgage the farm) casual, unending, accesory, committed, nesting, intimate, etc. the possiblities are only limited by our imaginations and the constrants we allow upon it. as if the white light of love can be fractured into all the colours of the rainbow. relationships between breathing growing people can not be clearly defined by a finite society, time, word, or deed. they are much more complicated animals of pattern and instinct. they are either and both in any given moment. my best recipe for peace even when trampled is to experience fully, striving only for the thinnest slice of now.
i love my life

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

questions in spring

location: 901
environment: clean, calm

with this odd business of being houseless and rent lesss but not homeless. i feel welcome in many a warm hearth. and for this i am eternally greatful to all my love in the universe. developing my urban suvival tactics. i made a kensington dumbster soup and enjoyed it. and although i crave bread and eggs i admire a vegitable diet simply because veggies are easy to find in the discard bin. do i routte thru the piles simply to disturb the dinning experiendces of the people on there fancy patios because of the long shipping routes and short shelf life. how long can anything really remain fresh? i do appreciate the complex beauty of rot and death. do i notice an age on my self, in my face and actions. i have slowed since the excited exasperating youth, but it from here seems cyclical and can return to a fever at the drop of a tap.
how do i reinvigorate and bring new health in to my body? when wil;l i reward myself with the jewel of my desire? is my sitaution condusive to health and well being? can i be more responisble in the face of tempation, or perhaps simply ask true self for guidence.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

CURRENT GOAL:smf

location: back at GPC, crunching for the may work visa i dont even want
environment: excitement, city buzz around me. pending job


Sarah Marie Fowler

CURRENT GOAL:To develop my style, knowledge and methodology in creative avenues while attributing to a global peaceful world.

SKILLS:
Trained in CPR and First aid; Bonded by the Canadian government
Accomplished fundraiser for charities, artist projects and non-governmental organizations
· Experience in leadership roles, event planning and team building
· Practiced Public Speaker; individually and large groups
· Knowledge of word processing, network and spreadsheet software
· Artist in diverse mediums, partial self employment for 2 years
· Children clown and face painter, specializing in memorable events

EDUCATION:
July 2006 PADI Scuba Diver- Open Water certification
Mar 2004 Alliance Francais; French language course. Ottawa
Jan 2004 Participated in streamlined NFB Momentum Workshop
2004 Optical Printing, Avid Express DV, Quark, Stop Motion animation
May 2003 International Academy- Natural Health Science; Organic Gardening
Dec 2002 TESOL English language instruction and communication
2002 Independent Filmmakers Co-operative of Ottawa “hands on film” workshop block, Advanced Directing, Documentary, Final Cut Pro
2001 Carleton University; Political science; Canadian Studies

WORK EXPERIENCE:
October 2006-present Greenpeace Canada, Toronto door canvass office
August 2004-2005 Public Outreach, Ottawa and Toronto, Ontario· Fundraising consultancy for charity and NGO’s including Amnesty International, UNICEF, Mediceine sans Frontieres, Sick Kids Foundation, Oxfam, Greenpeace, David Suzuki foundation and Ontario March of Dimes
May 2002-2004 Elephant and Castle restaurant, Ottawa, OntarioJuly
2004 Production assistant (TV) Bell Making the Cut
June 2004 & 2005 Summer Institute of Film and Television; AV and driver
March –Aug 2003 One World Film Festival, World Inter-Action Mondiale (WIAM)
· Film Selection Coordinator objectives are to order film from worldwide distributors, organize volunteer group with screenings and manage results to establish themes for the 4 day festival.
April 2000-2003 Starbucks Coffee Company, Clarica CentreFeb 2002-2003 Wallack’s Art Shop; window displays and inventory
Dec -Sept 2001 House of Commons; Member of Parliament Joe Fontana
Feb-April 2001 H & R Block Secretary/ Cash Back Cheque Administrator
May –Aug 2001 Geneva Park Conference Center; Lifeguard/Aquafitness
June 1998–2000 Instructor Lifeguard, YMCA of London, Ontario

ELECTED OFFICES:
Sept 2003 –August 2005 Independent Filmmakers Co-operative Ottawa (IFCO) I was elected director general position on Board of Directors further acclaimed as President in July 15 2004. Responsibilities included agenda for monthly board meetings, authorizing accounts, hiring and evaluations of executive director and organizing annual general meetings of a 200 plus membership. Sub-committees I was involved with include policy, finance, grant, fundraising and cultural equity.
July 1998 –July 2000 Association of Student Governments (ASG)In all my years of secondary school I was involved with student parliament. I held the elected offices of Secretary, Treasurer and Vice President. Later I became involved with the ASG which served as an umbrella group for student councils across the city. While I was President of the ASG, we held a annual leadership conference for delegates from more than 35 schools. Myself and four officers were responsible for food, lodging, entertainment, t-shirts, Identity cards, manuals and sponsorship.

VOLUNTEER ACTIVITIES:
July 2006 Zanzibar International Film festival of the Dhow countries; ZIFF
· Guest teacher with my Swahili interpreter to host a tactile workshop entitled “history of cinema, a contrast on celluloid” for 30 youth at the Alternative Learning school as part of the children’s panorama.
April 2006- present Roots & Shoots; umbrella of Jane Goodall Institute, Dar es Salaam
· Art & Photo contest-fundraiser, a beach clean up and visiting local primary and secondary schools to inspire student focused community service groups.
March 31-2006 Habitat for Humanity; Tanzanian Gatsby Trust (TGT) -PhotographerAttended an interview of women in a village on the North end of Zanzibar Island. Photographed approximately 8 families in front of their old houses and the foundations for new ones, built by volunteers from Habitat for more stable conditions in the community. Photos may be used n the newsletter for donors of charity group.

ENTRPRENURIAL ACTIVITIES:
June 2002-present Klown Kaleidoscope; Children Clown and face painter for birthday parties and special events. Charity events include WIAM’s One World Film Festival, Fair trade day, Bytowne Days, Tulip Festival, CHEO Teddy Bears Picnic, Lanark Highlands Art of Being Green Festival.

PRODUCTION ARTIST:
July 2004 Promotional chalkboards and painted kegs for bar/ restaurant.
Nov 2003 ( Christmas display) May 2002 (Spring window)
Designer for window display: Wallack’s Art Store 241 Bank street

References: available upon request

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

coachella

location: on the road again, brooklyn NYC, richmond VA, knoxville, breakfast in mephis, top roller in amirrillo TX where everything is big, albequrque, grants, gallup,NM sheer across arizona, barstow and back again
environment: adventure and apprehension, truckers getting there stomach stapled, people who instal air conditioners, motor cross racers who paint black over blond and leave a trophy backyard; grasping the scissor tightly in my bag while listing to the romantic language of ola. fear running marthons in my head followed shortly by the hare of fence hopping adreaniline and dessert heat. oh sweet music,water

swim ing pacific surf at st clemente,
where the life guards ask
have you been drinking!
why no sir i am just crazy is all
getting a donation or 6 cents via private school lexus
sleeping under the desert stars
wakign to the biting sun
sharing a tent with huricane Mike
urinations in gate communities and a lost highway
hitting a deer in the utah bluffs
do not worry someone else killed it for me
i didnt bust up the denver bound audi
25 miles for petrol of the interstare
brighton for sushi greyhound for a piece of st louis
flat tire belguim beer in chicago,
empty penthouse pool but lobby internet
welcome to detroit niggers
so happy to be among my polite supressed people
self censorship never felt so good
western windsor treepanter on energy drinks
depart upon reaching my home town
riding the 13 down wellington rd