location:
environment:
but i did think about you a lot today. i scaped the land, pulled weeds, raked gravel at a musuem. it was an avaiation-automobile-agirbusiness historical musee
i was under a snowbird airplane today with rake and a few by-planes above in the living sky. sometimes i would do hand stands in the grass when no one was looking. it was very enjoyable. especially when a small child asked me about it, like i (the girl raking stones) was part of the exhibit. i, not being a plane expert asked him to answer his own questions. and he showed me his eyes. one was blue the other both golden brown adn blus, exavctically seametrical. whoa. he said this eyelid was fused togeteher with electricity. it was a great story.
yesterday i got a asked out on a diner date by a couple. i put my best dress on but then invited others along because i was nervous. to be alone;ummm to start something i would just leave later, no matter how good. i left them after a flattered a polite decline., i am making plans to leave here soon. hopefully to the dessert.
i saw the norther lights the first time, dim. but alive
smile.smf
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
saskatoon berries from the vine
location:dabar
environment:cafinated and healingwhere i learned to be a horse womyn. waterton lakes nation pk. 2 mountains north of montana. deers muching on lawns to the point of fensing in flower boxes. inviting myself behind the line at the concession for a bag of popcorn even when the snack bar was closed. marching in time with my pulse as i pull my will towards the peak. the sun is close to my face and i am planting a flag of feeling on my first mountian. using safety pins to attach a suit and tie to become the idiot string of my cowboy hat. lost lonce on a death grip gallop but recovered by a generous hero. realizing that i have countless rolemodels revolving in the inspirational segment of my days. useing the tools at hand. the feet touching the earth. picking mountain yarrow and chewing the flowers. discoving wormwood sage and it's medicinal properties. snacking on thimble and elderberries. feeling the freedom of the flying petals of the creekside wildflowers. rubbing at my calused palm, with it's saddlehorn imprint. loving the pain and speed.
Monday, July 16, 2007
river boarding inthe bow
what a feeling of rushing water, fast a powerful, near a Lafarge cement factory. tension in the arms and poping up to stand on the board. weaving in and out, creating a wake and a lax rope. grateful for Ian's invitation, what a good cousin brother. drinking boones, superfast and pumping myself up for another round. happy for a life jacket. laughing when the calgary fire department came to let us listen to his shortwave, talking about us having a unauthorized good time. .dam people calling in to report our fun to the authorities. his suggestion of wearing life jackets was heeded except for dan, the leader of the pack, double-riding with Jaz. wathcing the dogs chew at all the river moss that was being presented to them as food., how they tried to make a fire witht he cherry of a fag.
environment-location: calgary is big and dry hot:
the roads are stacked three wide and the mega malls thick as texas. the men walk with a swagger and stapede seems like the western fair on steroids with a cowboy hat. today i went down to a creek type pond, built for the children of the suburbs. the place was vivid, teeming with blue and organge draygon and damsel flies. natures inspiration of the helicopter. i painted my legs with water colours. then i went to yoga class and had a steam. never before have i wanted a car (to live in) so badly. i posted onthe interenet $500 for a operational vechicle, personally guranteed for the next month. only a dude with a truck has gotten in contact. i am headed to edminton next , perhaps mid week, and then the world.
malika yangu. nasikia kiswahili leo. the teksi bwana was clearly talking to his mistress. in english he said " that isn't about me it's about us" ohyo. nasema habari yo yote!
i got a great brainstorm for the damsel flyes at you wedding in the forest. we'll need to go on a hunt for old fashions clothes pins adn irredescent wings. oh what fun will be.
environment-location: calgary is big and dry hot:
the roads are stacked three wide and the mega malls thick as texas. the men walk with a swagger and stapede seems like the western fair on steroids with a cowboy hat. today i went down to a creek type pond, built for the children of the suburbs. the place was vivid, teeming with blue and organge draygon and damsel flies. natures inspiration of the helicopter. i painted my legs with water colours. then i went to yoga class and had a steam. never before have i wanted a car (to live in) so badly. i posted onthe interenet $500 for a operational vechicle, personally guranteed for the next month. only a dude with a truck has gotten in contact. i am headed to edminton next , perhaps mid week, and then the world.
malika yangu. nasikia kiswahili leo. the teksi bwana was clearly talking to his mistress. in english he said " that isn't about me it's about us" ohyo. nasema habari yo yote!
i got a great brainstorm for the damsel flyes at you wedding in the forest. we'll need to go on a hunt for old fashions clothes pins adn irredescent wings. oh what fun will be.
Friday, July 13, 2007
compoundword cookieconsciousness
" good morngin starshine, the earth says hello
you twinkle above us, we twinkle below"
"have you ever loved enought to destroy your love"
environment: gassey wiht soft sleeping breath/
location: valley view park place developement in cow town
directly across from a weedwacked lawn and a a pin grove of two.
are 4 model houses. on display wiht different siding
1.eclispse, with the snappi-set name and most plastic venners
2.something rather -shire with cobbble likte faux finish
etc etc great marketing thanksfully not rememebered
where i appeased my most shaddowed of self. deciet.vainity and excess. dishonety flips the page as i embrace my shortcomings allowing there space to be.better&now
freewillastrology.com
or here...
Among the Yanyuwa Aboriginal people who live along the coast of Australia's Northern Territory, the word for "fat" is nalu-ngiliny. It doesn't merely refer to the greasy stuff that grows naturally under the skin of animal bodies. It's also a metaphysical term for vitality. Anything that's rich in nalu-ngiliny is healthy. A certain landscape may be considered fat, for instance, which means that it's fertile and sacred. When acacia flowers bloom each year, it's a sign that sea turtles and the marine mammals known as dugongs, favorite foods of the Yanyuwa, are "fat" and ready to be hunted. Your assignment in the coming week is to identify the things in your life that are nalu-ngiliny, and to give them the honor, gratitude, and nurturing they deserve.
one thing that sticks me as odd is my intense ability to critize in a regal and self important manner. just today i uttered the words "i think i know more about karma than you" how selfish indulgent and haugthy of me. because i dont have a gold seal with my name misspelt, perhaps the becasue i have read more books than you pertaining to eastern philiosphy but you have read way more books on the oratation of human behaivor modifications. maybe i could use some, and i embrace my addictionself anaalsyisis and acceptimptrove. appreciate my time spent and lesson gleaned.
the fat i am harvesting today is a carnal and diestructive. the excessive weeds i pulled from the flower bed, that had roots so deep it took all my might, heaving, using my legs towardsbliss the moon to eject. it had grown taller that 4 out of five original immediatemembers. thats how excess rolls i suppose. growing out of control until all is lost and winter renews. it is this angreattachment of the death that propells us to be reborn, lost in the cycle.
as i type, chewing my thumb nail, twisting my hair. look over at my reflection in the mirror and pinch at my arm fat displaying the musculature. looking more athletic and powerful by the moment. merely a matter of timeffort and dreams realized.
inspiration plus persperation = asperation
first i'll take this magic moment to honor & nurture .to eat greasy delite to fill in the gaps. as i pluck at the feathers of my fears i label them lightly, let let them into the wind. still exsisting but not attached. my appreciation extends to the thief, and the victim and the product. and the waste. the model homes with there empty advertnames. to the tar ponds sceen from space and the jobs of the families who make them. to coffee and crap and letting things be different and whole. the diverse cultural observation in the A&W, the rootbeer in a icyed mug, the $15 to pay my karmic debt to capital. to the electronica environmenta, to the wordsongs pryied into my exsistance, filling the most unusual corners; to my lovely friend some of whom i left behind, some of whom i chase, some of who i dont yet know consciously, everything up until this point and everything beyond, to now
the today i'll be vernonique, it is a tribute.
to a comrade that lent me her life in such a joyus way.
back on the road again i miss my british buddy.
a pickle in your ear
sincerelysmf
you twinkle above us, we twinkle below"
"have you ever loved enought to destroy your love"
environment: gassey wiht soft sleeping breath/
location: valley view park place developement in cow town
directly across from a weedwacked lawn and a a pin grove of two.
are 4 model houses. on display wiht different siding
1.eclispse, with the snappi-set name and most plastic venners
2.something rather -shire with cobbble likte faux finish
etc etc great marketing thanksfully not rememebered
where i appeased my most shaddowed of self. deciet.vainity and excess. dishonety flips the page as i embrace my shortcomings allowing there space to be.better&now
freewillastrology.com
or here...
Among the Yanyuwa Aboriginal people who live along the coast of Australia's Northern Territory, the word for "fat" is nalu-ngiliny. It doesn't merely refer to the greasy stuff that grows naturally under the skin of animal bodies. It's also a metaphysical term for vitality. Anything that's rich in nalu-ngiliny is healthy. A certain landscape may be considered fat, for instance, which means that it's fertile and sacred. When acacia flowers bloom each year, it's a sign that sea turtles and the marine mammals known as dugongs, favorite foods of the Yanyuwa, are "fat" and ready to be hunted. Your assignment in the coming week is to identify the things in your life that are nalu-ngiliny, and to give them the honor, gratitude, and nurturing they deserve.
one thing that sticks me as odd is my intense ability to critize in a regal and self important manner. just today i uttered the words "i think i know more about karma than you" how selfish indulgent and haugthy of me. because i dont have a gold seal with my name misspelt, perhaps the becasue i have read more books than you pertaining to eastern philiosphy but you have read way more books on the oratation of human behaivor modifications. maybe i could use some, and i embrace my addictionself anaalsyisis and acceptimptrove. appreciate my time spent and lesson gleaned.
the fat i am harvesting today is a carnal and diestructive. the excessive weeds i pulled from the flower bed, that had roots so deep it took all my might, heaving, using my legs towardsbliss the moon to eject. it had grown taller that 4 out of five original immediatemembers. thats how excess rolls i suppose. growing out of control until all is lost and winter renews. it is this angreattachment of the death that propells us to be reborn, lost in the cycle.
as i type, chewing my thumb nail, twisting my hair. look over at my reflection in the mirror and pinch at my arm fat displaying the musculature. looking more athletic and powerful by the moment. merely a matter of timeffort and dreams realized.
inspiration plus persperation = asperation
first i'll take this magic moment to honor & nurture .to eat greasy delite to fill in the gaps. as i pluck at the feathers of my fears i label them lightly, let let them into the wind. still exsisting but not attached. my appreciation extends to the thief, and the victim and the product. and the waste. the model homes with there empty advertnames. to the tar ponds sceen from space and the jobs of the families who make them. to coffee and crap and letting things be different and whole. the diverse cultural observation in the A&W, the rootbeer in a icyed mug, the $15 to pay my karmic debt to capital. to the electronica environmenta, to the wordsongs pryied into my exsistance, filling the most unusual corners; to my lovely friend some of whom i left behind, some of whom i chase, some of who i dont yet know consciously, everything up until this point and everything beyond, to now
the today i'll be vernonique, it is a tribute.
to a comrade that lent me her life in such a joyus way.
back on the road again i miss my british buddy.
a pickle in your ear
sincerelysmf
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
letting myself love on the run
location: finch and vic park
environment: lovely esp & bus bliss with eggs
ophh. the sweet shisper of wordson the subway. untill the guilt and habit forming acctivity set in
it is in my seldomly modest opinon i would like to announce that i believe emotions are signals, flags that send us messages about what are core selves are. certainly not things to be supressed or controled with logic. we all can control our actions with our thoughts but emotions come from a wiser place than are minds, somewhere between our heart and soul, a home for wisdom, a room called instinct. they are oftern without reason or design, lack structural integrity and engineering, but they work non-the-less ( did you know that acording to science a bumblebee can't fly, but i have witness the flowers polinated, and tasted the honey) i am glad you are feeling better because i understand that to be better than bad, but emotional, is a place of learning, more profound than a text book. run or hide ( or banish)from them if you will but i 'll bet that no matter if you travel at the speed of light they can catch you.
are my signals a mere physical response to stimuli? is it a was of telling me to stay still despite my troublesome horoscope? is the fog and deja vu a way to have heaven in the now now? do i feel free and powerful? what is my reason d'etre du jour?
the pythagorus parable in paraphrase by smf
it is rare in life that we are one thing, height weight, orientation, attitude, etc for our entire lives. i am a creature of chance and marvel in my flexible nature. my strenghts our not simply limited to one venure and can be applied in any cercumstance. our way changes as we grow.sometimes we play the role of merchant, buzing ourselves with commerce, choice and culture. other times still we take up the centre stage, and boldly shine in the spotlight as our dynamic artist self. and sometimes we are the audience philosopher, watching the fair play it's self out, appreciating the glory and gruesque grandure and wondering why. can we ever know? can we stay in one phase of ourselves for concistancies sake? can't we just spin the wheel and play the game?
environment: lovely esp & bus bliss with eggs
ophh. the sweet shisper of wordson the subway. untill the guilt and habit forming acctivity set in
it is in my seldomly modest opinon i would like to announce that i believe emotions are signals, flags that send us messages about what are core selves are. certainly not things to be supressed or controled with logic. we all can control our actions with our thoughts but emotions come from a wiser place than are minds, somewhere between our heart and soul, a home for wisdom, a room called instinct. they are oftern without reason or design, lack structural integrity and engineering, but they work non-the-less ( did you know that acording to science a bumblebee can't fly, but i have witness the flowers polinated, and tasted the honey) i am glad you are feeling better because i understand that to be better than bad, but emotional, is a place of learning, more profound than a text book. run or hide ( or banish)from them if you will but i 'll bet that no matter if you travel at the speed of light they can catch you.
are my signals a mere physical response to stimuli? is it a was of telling me to stay still despite my troublesome horoscope? is the fog and deja vu a way to have heaven in the now now? do i feel free and powerful? what is my reason d'etre du jour?
the pythagorus parable in paraphrase by smf
it is rare in life that we are one thing, height weight, orientation, attitude, etc for our entire lives. i am a creature of chance and marvel in my flexible nature. my strenghts our not simply limited to one venure and can be applied in any cercumstance. our way changes as we grow.sometimes we play the role of merchant, buzing ourselves with commerce, choice and culture. other times still we take up the centre stage, and boldly shine in the spotlight as our dynamic artist self. and sometimes we are the audience philosopher, watching the fair play it's self out, appreciating the glory and gruesque grandure and wondering why. can we ever know? can we stay in one phase of ourselves for concistancies sake? can't we just spin the wheel and play the game?
Friday, June 08, 2007
horse foot
location: gazin out as the lights start their shine in the dusk
environment: quiet
Anti-poverty protesters arrested in standoff
MATT HARTLEY
June 4, 2007
Toronto police officers on horseback broke up a tense standoff with anti-poverty demonstrators at an abandoned house downtown last night. Several people were arrested and some said they were injured in the scuffle with police, including a woman who said a horse stepped on her foot, according to a report from CFTO News. Protesters with the Women Against Poverty Collective held an afternoon march and later moved to a house on Howard Street near Bloor and Sherbourne Streets.
environment: quiet
Anti-poverty protesters arrested in standoff
MATT HARTLEY
June 4, 2007
Toronto police officers on horseback broke up a tense standoff with anti-poverty demonstrators at an abandoned house downtown last night. Several people were arrested and some said they were injured in the scuffle with police, including a woman who said a horse stepped on her foot, according to a report from CFTO News. Protesters with the Women Against Poverty Collective held an afternoon march and later moved to a house on Howard Street near Bloor and Sherbourne Streets.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
the blessed virgin of the starry waters
the blessed virgin of the starry waters; an anecdote of loving life.
the love story of my young life, of my adolesent dreaming crashing up on the shores of realisic expectations shall be titled blessed virgin of the starry waters in hommage to a great & fictional adventurer. one full of contridictions as humans tend to be, i can glance backwards into the chest of experiences and identify the joy from the pain, usually by a name but more specifically by a time. for me i can determine if love was true based on whither or not i became closer to my core self. did this experience allow me to better understand my actions, ideas and direction? our true natures are oftern masked with layers of ego and learned behavior. the comedy-tradegy love i have been luckily blessed to experience has been an opportunity for me to learn about myself. to see a clear reflection of my souls love thru someones eyes and to observe the shadows that it casts. sometimes we do not like the reflection we see when gazing in the mirror, often we projection that disharmony onto the object of our affection- afliction. as in binary code i can define two modes of love. 1. where A love B more therefore creating a dynamic where B an treat A like crap (A & B representing individuals involved, more than two parties pressent makes for messy fractions) 2. where love is balanced respect can grow. having stated this i can announce i have not had the second love in any of my romantic relationships. often with platonic friends i develop respect, seeing in the mirror the whole unit of good and bad traits. but with sexual intimacy comes a mother load of shame, expectaitons and a mix bag of emotions that we would prefer not to conciously face. the beautiful man i offered my virginity to started off by loving me much more but as time passed and the feelings were shared between the souls the balance tilted until which time i couldn;t tell love for sex from abuse. when left unchecked the ego sharpened the blinding light bounding from my heart into sharp lazers designed to manipulate the future. all the movies and books i had ever been exposed to as a child dealing with love situations, ideas of marriage and the big looming -forever. combined with the hot bed of sensation when young people are introduced to their shadow for life, there sexual self. i didn't stand a chance despite my best intentions and warning waviers. it was over 4 years that i was blessed with the car wreck of whitnessing myself experience unlogical demands and use the power of love in a manner of remodeling. both valid but perhaps not prideful and certainly not ideal. my constant theme song disstatisfaction and longing for a partner to share my creativity with, rather than simply be amusing. quite the reflection to see in your lovers eyes y/n? then still to thrust myself against a kaleidoscope of identies, learning only now consistancy is incongruent with genuine behavior and convience kills our essence. the well of longevity was poisoned by habits we both were un willing to lay down. for me it was certianly my spark plug spontaneuosness, for him perhaps his strategic schdule. over a late nite dinner the bomb dropped, i simply couldn't love in fragments anylonger. at least now i can admire from a far, be happy for needs being met ( by someone more suitable-designed towards the desires) and enjoy playfull memories whenever i want to without making trivial or uncomfortable small talk. Although i will admit to a desire to have a more communicative post-breakup i know that should our friendship blossom it can only happen organically without agendas. since my deflowering i have had a thrist for diverse experience and most recently experienced the recieveing end of dismissal, shocked i broke a wine glass at the stem while placing it on the table.
i adopt a mantra, slowly believeing that over time optimism replaces despair. and the cycle continues with my hope intact.
it is rare in my experience for the love to dry up, to die, but usually it changes, grows into a more profound, biggerfeeling. i over use the word intentionally dragging the taboo in the mud.i ponder why love cant be everywhere? to splinter the complicated matrix of universal love, we have invented words like, family (people we might not like but love anyways) boy/ girl /friends (people we like but want to take for a test drive before we morgage the farm) casual, unending, accesory, committed, nesting, intimate, etc. the possiblities are only limited by our imaginations and the constrants we allow upon it. as if the white light of love can be fractured into all the colours of the rainbow. relationships between breathing growing people can not be clearly defined by a finite society, time, word, or deed. they are much more complicated animals of pattern and instinct. they are either and both in any given moment. my best recipe for peace even when trampled is to experience fully, striving only for the thinnest slice of now.
i love my life
the love story of my young life, of my adolesent dreaming crashing up on the shores of realisic expectations shall be titled blessed virgin of the starry waters in hommage to a great & fictional adventurer. one full of contridictions as humans tend to be, i can glance backwards into the chest of experiences and identify the joy from the pain, usually by a name but more specifically by a time. for me i can determine if love was true based on whither or not i became closer to my core self. did this experience allow me to better understand my actions, ideas and direction? our true natures are oftern masked with layers of ego and learned behavior. the comedy-tradegy love i have been luckily blessed to experience has been an opportunity for me to learn about myself. to see a clear reflection of my souls love thru someones eyes and to observe the shadows that it casts. sometimes we do not like the reflection we see when gazing in the mirror, often we projection that disharmony onto the object of our affection- afliction. as in binary code i can define two modes of love. 1. where A love B more therefore creating a dynamic where B an treat A like crap (A & B representing individuals involved, more than two parties pressent makes for messy fractions) 2. where love is balanced respect can grow. having stated this i can announce i have not had the second love in any of my romantic relationships. often with platonic friends i develop respect, seeing in the mirror the whole unit of good and bad traits. but with sexual intimacy comes a mother load of shame, expectaitons and a mix bag of emotions that we would prefer not to conciously face. the beautiful man i offered my virginity to started off by loving me much more but as time passed and the feelings were shared between the souls the balance tilted until which time i couldn;t tell love for sex from abuse. when left unchecked the ego sharpened the blinding light bounding from my heart into sharp lazers designed to manipulate the future. all the movies and books i had ever been exposed to as a child dealing with love situations, ideas of marriage and the big looming -forever. combined with the hot bed of sensation when young people are introduced to their shadow for life, there sexual self. i didn't stand a chance despite my best intentions and warning waviers. it was over 4 years that i was blessed with the car wreck of whitnessing myself experience unlogical demands and use the power of love in a manner of remodeling. both valid but perhaps not prideful and certainly not ideal. my constant theme song disstatisfaction and longing for a partner to share my creativity with, rather than simply be amusing. quite the reflection to see in your lovers eyes y/n? then still to thrust myself against a kaleidoscope of identies, learning only now consistancy is incongruent with genuine behavior and convience kills our essence. the well of longevity was poisoned by habits we both were un willing to lay down. for me it was certianly my spark plug spontaneuosness, for him perhaps his strategic schdule. over a late nite dinner the bomb dropped, i simply couldn't love in fragments anylonger. at least now i can admire from a far, be happy for needs being met ( by someone more suitable-designed towards the desires) and enjoy playfull memories whenever i want to without making trivial or uncomfortable small talk. Although i will admit to a desire to have a more communicative post-breakup i know that should our friendship blossom it can only happen organically without agendas. since my deflowering i have had a thrist for diverse experience and most recently experienced the recieveing end of dismissal, shocked i broke a wine glass at the stem while placing it on the table.
i adopt a mantra, slowly believeing that over time optimism replaces despair. and the cycle continues with my hope intact.
it is rare in my experience for the love to dry up, to die, but usually it changes, grows into a more profound, biggerfeeling. i over use the word intentionally dragging the taboo in the mud.i ponder why love cant be everywhere? to splinter the complicated matrix of universal love, we have invented words like, family (people we might not like but love anyways) boy/ girl /friends (people we like but want to take for a test drive before we morgage the farm) casual, unending, accesory, committed, nesting, intimate, etc. the possiblities are only limited by our imaginations and the constrants we allow upon it. as if the white light of love can be fractured into all the colours of the rainbow. relationships between breathing growing people can not be clearly defined by a finite society, time, word, or deed. they are much more complicated animals of pattern and instinct. they are either and both in any given moment. my best recipe for peace even when trampled is to experience fully, striving only for the thinnest slice of now.
i love my life
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